You said before that you wouldn't mind so much if Axel were the last one among us, but how can you trust him with that when he mishandles things that badly?
[ if he'd told them about four earlier, maybe they could have moved on to find the corrupted. if he'd waited a little longer, they might not know who killed lili and miki, but they'd still have that asset on their side. now they have neither.
I do not always trust him to tell the truth, to dispense what he knows effectively, or to make popular decisions.
However, I will always trust him to lead with his heart, to protect the people that he can, and carry with him an uncanny amount of luck in a great number of his choices.
If the universe were to be left in his hands, I think that he would be fair and kind. You may not agree with his choices, but his intentions have always been good, and his goal is ultimately the same as yours.
[he just makes a few missteps along the way, and mikazuki isn't really in the habit of blaming others for the choices that they make in good faith. some things just don't work out the way that you plan. he understands that too.]
Have you asked him why he did it? Why those two girls? Even if you might not agree, perhaps it might help you understand.
After all, you yourself will have to come to learn how to deal with these very human emotions, the longer that we keep these forms. Attachment to others might be dangerous... but it is also perhaps the only thing that makes this life worth living.
[or at least that's what mikazuki thinks, after all his pondering about humanity.]
And you took him at face value? Perhaps there is a reason why he still does not feel comfortable enough to tell you... but I would not opt to condemn him so easily.
Not when you have felt the pain of what it is like to fail to protect someone you care for.
[HE'S JUST GOING TO GET MORE BLUNT ABOUT IT, THE MORE KARA DANCES AROUND IT]
Then if you would like to heal Shess' injuries...
You must be completely sincere about how you feel toward him, and plain about your own emotions.
If she'd been alive after Thursday, and still corrupted, I wouldn't have tried to save her, the way he did. She knew that.
[ there's more bite in his voice than he'd meant to allow, but... yeah. kara is still angry at being robbed of the chance to feel, even if he hates the emotions he's been forced to live with... and, maybe, a little angry that lili had been corrupted, too. even if he knew it could happen, knew that it probably would... why'd it have to be like that?
he'll allow himself just one more moment to seethe before giving a huff. ]
Certainly, certainly. I presume you would not be so familiar with someone who would disagree with you on such a pivotal point of your ideals.
[that's not surprising. however]
... nonetheless, there are all manners of people in the world. There are various types of kindness. For you, a kindness may be to provide the service of executing her when she asked. For another, a kindness may be to save her, or to try to let her keep the life she was clinging so desperately onto. Or for Lea... a kindness may be to keep a child from being paralyzed by a fear that seized her through no fault of her own.
[it's complicated. humans are complicated - but mikazuki spends more time studying them than most]
It means that you must speak with him, in that conversation, divulge as much as you can about your thoughts on him.
You are friends, after all. Some sincerity on the subject might benefit you both.
I don't see the kindness in keeping someone alive while something like that is destroying them from the inside.
[ but he didn't really come here to debate the ethics of how each of them deals with the corruption, did he? and he especially doesn't want to think about the hand he played in mary's execution, not again, not so soon after losing lili to that same darkness.
but as it stands, he would give almost anything to be able to cut through the darkness and destroy it himself. ]
...Alright. I'll try.
[ how annoying, though, when kara doesn't even know what he's feeling half the time. ]
... and I suppose that may be where you lack some amount of his story. You do not need to always agree with people in order to understand them, and to open your heart to the way that they live.
Humans place a great amount of faith in even the barest of hopes, after all. Similarly, they feel fear of loss even more strongly than we do.
[as swords who are always guaranteed to lose. to outlive their masters, sometimes even their other companions. their existence is not quite so finite.]
Mm, then do let me know how your results are.
Shess is a friend of mine as well... Thank you for looking after him.
[ whatever, mikazuki! kara doesn't particularly care to understand axel, to be honest. why should he? there are other things to focus on, instead of wasting his time on that.
so he decides to ignore that, and focus instead on Shess for now. ]
Valvatorez has done more than me. I should have asked about it earlier.
That isn't how I wanted to find peace. We're supposed be free to make our own choices now, but mine was taken from me.
[ it's hard to tell if he's more upset about losing lili or... that. but he tries to let go of it, because it's already done, so what's the point of holding onto it now?
that's... a lot harder to do than he would have hoped. ]
Hm... If I were to recall - you had said that emotions simply get in the way of your mission, that they're difficult and useless to us.
And yet you find now that your choices are tied to your emotions, and a key choice was removed from you once you no longer possessed your emotions.
... they are a part of us now, whether you find this agreeable or not.
[there is just a smile]
I had told you - I wondered how you might feel after the curse wore off, now that you know what it's like to be entirely without the feelings that master gifted to us.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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If you had, perhaps you might have found more, to give you less questions than you possess now.
[but that's another riddle]
As is - I can only hope that all of you will continue to learn. You have, at the very least, improved from your first week.
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[ he sighs. ]
Have we, now that we've killed someone who had a better chance of fighting the corruption than the rest of us?
[ even kara can admit that four didn't deserve that :\ ]
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Though it is hard for me to say with certainty - I was rather fond of Four, after all.
[even after she fucking decimated everyone after the trial]
Regardless, it is impossible to take back your choices.
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You said before that you wouldn't mind so much if Axel were the last one among us, but how can you trust him with that when he mishandles things that badly?
[ if he'd told them about four earlier, maybe they could have moved on to find the corrupted. if he'd waited a little longer, they might not know who killed lili and miki, but they'd still have that asset on their side. now they have neither.
not that it matters, now that it's over. ]
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I do not always trust him to tell the truth, to dispense what he knows effectively, or to make popular decisions.
However, I will always trust him to lead with his heart, to protect the people that he can, and carry with him an uncanny amount of luck in a great number of his choices.
If the universe were to be left in his hands, I think that he would be fair and kind. You may not agree with his choices, but his intentions have always been good, and his goal is ultimately the same as yours.
[he just makes a few missteps along the way, and mikazuki isn't really in the habit of blaming others for the choices that they make in good faith. some things just don't work out the way that you plan. he understands that too.]
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[ but kara wants to believe mikazuki, and it's not like he gets a lot of say in who will be left, in the end. it's just another waiting game.
he remains quiet for another moment, before asking: ]
What would I have to do, to heal Shess's wounds?
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After all, you yourself will have to come to learn how to deal with these very human emotions, the longer that we keep these forms. Attachment to others might be dangerous... but it is also perhaps the only thing that makes this life worth living.
[or at least that's what mikazuki thinks, after all his pondering about humanity.]
Are you asking as an official task?
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[ and haha he's going to ignore the rest of that!! attachment? human emotions?? who needs those! not ookurikara!! ]
Yes. I should have asked earlier, but...
[ he was
a little distracted ]
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Not when you have felt the pain of what it is like to fail to protect someone you care for.
[HE'S JUST GOING TO GET MORE BLUNT ABOUT IT, THE MORE KARA DANCES AROUND IT]
Then if you would like to heal Shess' injuries...
You must be completely sincere about how you feel toward him, and plain about your own emotions.
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[ there's more bite in his voice than he'd meant to allow, but... yeah. kara is still angry at being robbed of the chance to feel, even if he hates the emotions he's been forced to live with... and, maybe, a little angry that lili had been corrupted, too. even if he knew it could happen, knew that it probably would... why'd it have to be like that?
he'll allow himself just one more moment to seethe before giving a huff. ]
What does that mean, exactly?
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[that's not surprising. however]
... nonetheless, there are all manners of people in the world. There are various types of kindness. For you, a kindness may be to provide the service of executing her when she asked. For another, a kindness may be to save her, or to try to let her keep the life she was clinging so desperately onto. Or for Lea... a kindness may be to keep a child from being paralyzed by a fear that seized her through no fault of her own.
[it's complicated. humans are complicated - but mikazuki spends more time studying them than most]
It means that you must speak with him, in that conversation, divulge as much as you can about your thoughts on him.
You are friends, after all. Some sincerity on the subject might benefit you both.
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[ but he didn't really come here to debate the ethics of how each of them deals with the corruption, did he? and he especially doesn't want to think about the hand he played in mary's execution, not again, not so soon after losing lili to that same darkness.
but as it stands, he would give almost anything to be able to cut through the darkness and destroy it himself. ]
...Alright. I'll try.
[ how annoying, though, when kara doesn't even know what he's feeling half the time. ]
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Humans place a great amount of faith in even the barest of hopes, after all. Similarly, they feel fear of loss even more strongly than we do.
[as swords who are always guaranteed to lose. to outlive their masters, sometimes even their other companions. their existence is not quite so finite.]
Mm, then do let me know how your results are.
Shess is a friend of mine as well... Thank you for looking after him.
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so he decides to ignore that, and focus instead on Shess for now. ]
Valvatorez has done more than me. I should have asked about it earlier.
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[you know, the thing he's spent half this conversation just
ignoring]
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kara's eyes turn toward the garden, refusing to look at him since APPARENTLY he's being forced to acknowledge that now ]
...Yes.
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[like
just wondering]
I hope my gifts reached you as well.
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That isn't how I wanted to find peace. We're supposed be free to make our own choices now, but mine was taken from me.
[ it's hard to tell if he's more upset about losing lili or... that. but he tries to let go of it, because it's already done, so what's the point of holding onto it now?
that's... a lot harder to do than he would have hoped. ]
They did, yeah.
[ ... ]
Thank you.
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[so it can at least taste a little bit like home?]
... what choice would you have made, if your full range of emotions were made available to you?
Would they have been different?
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It did taste like his cooking... like being home.
[ as for the rest... ]
Does it matter now? It's done, and there won't be a second chance.
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And yet you find now that your choices are tied to your emotions, and a key choice was removed from you once you no longer possessed your emotions.
... they are a part of us now, whether you find this agreeable or not.
[there is just a smile]
I had told you - I wondered how you might feel after the curse wore off, now that you know what it's like to be entirely without the feelings that master gifted to us.
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...I stand by what I said before. But I won't accept someone making that choice for me anymore.