cyclists | audience: tsurumaru

[ ah.

he's quiet for a moment. ]

Is this what you're used to dealing with?

I suppose it may depend on what ‘this’ you are referring to.

[a smile that fails to really illuminate anything at all - ]

I simply have the time to watch you all. Perhaps I may learn something useful, or curious, every now and then.

[it’s what he has time to do - it’s what he spends so much time thinking on.

humans, and what it means to feel]

... and how do you feel about all of that? Watching us here as we fumble and break, make bonds and laugh, and kill each other?

[ he takes a sip of the sake, and then sets the cup down. ]

Mikazuki.

Tsurumaru.

[ . . . he answers to his name rather immediately, and it also buys him a bit of time as he seems to think on the question]

... at times it grows complicated -

And yet I do not believe I would shirk my duty, or make a different choice if it had been presented to me.

[ ah

he'll reach over, placing his hand over mikazuki's heart. ]

But does it hurt?

[hm.

that manages to get mikazuki to pause - longer this time, his gaze growing contemplative]

... for what reason would it hurt?

When at times I am complicit, if not an instigator, in the troubles each of you suffer?

That seems like more than enough of a reason.

[ his fingers curl into the robe, gripping it firmly enough just to keep him in place. ]

You always talk about wanting to understand emotions, and the experiences behind them. Of how you're always watching... but you have them too, Mikazuki. You also must feel as passionately as that boy does, even if you pretend otherwise.

[did he irritate his crane

regardless mikazuki just offers another smile at that]

I do not know if it possible to feel as passionately as the young one - he is truly rather impressive.

[LET HIM STAN HIS GRANDSON

but okay even he knows that’s a rather obvious dodge]

... perhaps I might feel one way or another - but it is my duty to be an overseer for the time being. To allow others to make their own choices, even as I make my own.

I do not know if the time is yet right for myself to be allowed the luxury of remorse.

Then when will be the right time? The numbers are dwindling. We're all aware that it's going to end soon, one way or another.

[ they have even less people now than they thought they were going to by the end of this weekend. ]

You are allowed to be vulnerable. Even if it's just for a moment.

[ . . . for just a moment, is it?

mikazuki seems thoughtful about that even as he lets his hand come to rest over tsurumaru’s - over his own heart.]

... I mourn and grieve, as any other. Even though we are weapons who were wielded to take life - it is not as though we delight in it.

But our goodbyes are not forever - even my pain is only temporary.

For others, it lingers and scars.

If I can alleviate it even if only for a moment - that is enough for me.

[ he considers the word, like he's trying to gauge just how truthful the statements are, what words that mikazuki aren't saying that might make up the whole picture. ]

You take care of others. You do a very good job of it. But let me take care of you. I don't mean simply by bringing you tea, or by being your lover...

[ he turns his hand around, so he can grasp mikazuki's in it. they're holding hands now. ]

We don't have that much time left together. Let me in.

[ah....

mikazuki pauses at that - but he allows his hand to be held. his other hand moves their sake aside, before resting at the base of tsurumaru’s neck, pulling him closer]

... I do, my greedy crane.

[in little ways, admittedly. in the ways that mikazuki’s guard will drop, when he allows tsurumaru to be near him even when he is not pristinely put together, how he will seek comfort from tsurumaru in the ways that he knows how

perhaps it’s not enough.

but even so, he beckons tsuru closer to him and rests their foreheads together]

You see more of me than any other.

Even the pieces of the moon not illuminated by the light.

[ he moves along easily enough, sighing softly at the contact.

he waits a moment before answering. ]

So allow me to take care of you in every way.

[and there is just a soft laugh at that]

Hm...

It would feel a bit remiss of me to accept your offer when there are times that you still hold some parts of yourself back.

Is it still not clear that I find all parts of you beautiful?

[ ah

that makes him pause, and he'll lean in so he can give him a quick, chaste kiss. ]

Even the parts that objectively aren't?

[and with unflinching certainty

not even missing a beat]

Each and every single part, Tsurumaru Kuninaga.

Because I enjoy you, in your entirety.

And I you, Mikazuki Munechika.

[ even when there's so much he doesn't understand, and he isn't sure if he's doing this right. ]

... I'll open my heart to you, as much as I can.

... then I am happy to accept that gift.

[he'll give tsurumaru a kiss, as if offering a small reward for his answer]

I do not know what you wish for me to say... but I will do what I can to make you happy.

I don't actually know what I want you to say.

[ and he gives him another kiss. ]

But that wouldn't matter anyway. I don't want to put words into your mouth.

It would at least be acceptable guidance...

[though he supposes that he understands the sentiment well enough]

... then I suppose I can admit to you that now and again, I grow saddened.

[this is such

a bread crumb]

[ it's the smallest of bread crumbs and tsuru looks unimpressed for a moment

before he buries his face into mikazuki's shoulder ]

Sometimes I wonder how you're so revered.

[oops - mikazuki will catch him easily into his arms and hold him close, even as he laughs]

Likely for my composure and ability to retain dignity even in difficult times.

[that tsuru is acting him to compromise]

... when we have seen others meet their end time and time again... you would think that the ache grows less.

Even if it is not true - I can at least make play that it does, so that it does not add to the weight of those who need to be looked after more than I.

Mm... but then who looks after the one who cares for others then?

[ he can't really argue against this completely, especially considering how much he's hiding from ookurikara especially. it's not like tsuru is a stranger to keeping things to himself but

sometimes it just gets tiring, seeing a smile that doesn't actually reach one's eyes, every time something tragic happens. ]

[he keeps irritating his crane today....

there's a pause at that, as mikazuki truly takes a moment to consider his answer. who? in his home, there was no one - he'd thought. but it turned out that his master kept a closer eye on him than he'd thought. it is both shameful and sweet, to know that there is someone who was so concerned with his well-being.

he feels it again here and now with tsurumaru

but nonetheless he just leans his head against tsurumaru's]

... I suppose you do.

[ first of all i hate that this is the third time you've made me use this icon, but anyway

he shifts slightly to make sure that his expression is definitely not visible as his face heats up. it's such a simple comment that would make him laugh in any other situation, but right now it silences him for a few seconds. ]

If you're trying to flirt with me to distract me, it won't work.

[ he can't quite hide the embarrassment from his tone but. it's fine. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject