[ his fingers curl into the robe, gripping it firmly enough just to keep him in place. ]
You always talk about wanting to understand emotions, and the experiences behind them. Of how you're always watching... but you have them too, Mikazuki. You also must feel as passionately as that boy does, even if you pretend otherwise.
regardless mikazuki just offers another smile at that]
I do not know if it possible to feel as passionately as the young one - he is truly rather impressive.
[LET HIM STAN HIS GRANDSON
but okay even he knows that’s a rather obvious dodge]
... perhaps I might feel one way or another - but it is my duty to be an overseer for the time being. To allow others to make their own choices, even as I make my own.
I do not know if the time is yet right for myself to be allowed the luxury of remorse.
[ he considers the word, like he's trying to gauge just how truthful the statements are, what words that mikazuki aren't saying that might make up the whole picture. ]
You take care of others. You do a very good job of it. But let me take care of you. I don't mean simply by bringing you tea, or by being your lover...
[ he turns his hand around, so he can grasp mikazuki's in it. they're holding hands now. ]
We don't have that much time left together. Let me in.
mikazuki pauses at that - but he allows his hand to be held. his other hand moves their sake aside, before resting at the base of tsurumaru’s neck, pulling him closer]
... I do, my greedy crane.
[in little ways, admittedly. in the ways that mikazuki’s guard will drop, when he allows tsurumaru to be near him even when he is not pristinely put together, how he will seek comfort from tsurumaru in the ways that he knows how
perhaps it’s not enough.
but even so, he beckons tsuru closer to him and rests their foreheads together]
You see more of me than any other.
Even the pieces of the moon not illuminated by the light.
[oops - mikazuki will catch him easily into his arms and hold him close, even as he laughs]
Likely for my composure and ability to retain dignity even in difficult times.
[that tsuru is acting him to compromise]
... when we have seen others meet their end time and time again... you would think that the ache grows less.
Even if it is not true - I can at least make play that it does, so that it does not add to the weight of those who need to be looked after more than I.
Mm... but then who looks after the one who cares for others then?
[ he can't really argue against this completely, especially considering how much he's hiding from ookurikara especially. it's not like tsuru is a stranger to keeping things to himself but
sometimes it just gets tiring, seeing a smile that doesn't actually reach one's eyes, every time something tragic happens. ]
there's a pause at that, as mikazuki truly takes a moment to consider his answer. who? in his home, there was no one - he'd thought. but it turned out that his master kept a closer eye on him than he'd thought. it is both shameful and sweet, to know that there is someone who was so concerned with his well-being.
he feels it again here and now with tsurumaru
but nonetheless he just leans his head against tsurumaru's]
[ first of all i hate that this is the third time you've made me use this icon, but anyway
he shifts slightly to make sure that his expression is definitely not visible as his face heats up. it's such a simple comment that would make him laugh in any other situation, but right now it silences him for a few seconds. ]
If you're trying to flirt with me to distract me, it won't work.
[ he can't quite hide the embarrassment from his tone but. it's fine. ]
[TERRIBLE - but he does turn his head. even if tsurumaru is looking away from him, that doesn't stop him from pressing a soft, chaste kiss against his hair.]
... you have made it easier, even if you do not realize the extent of what you have done for me.
[letting him get away with his secrets for so long, offering his ear without judgment, and then not being so mad at him when he doesn't take the offer and instead continues off on his own. up until now, tsurumaru was very patient, and very giving - with his time, attention, and even the entirety of himself for distraction
it's been nice.
nice in a way that mikazuki normally isn't afforded, when so many require his attention in more serious aspects, or find him distrustful for his secrecy]
[ he doesn't respond until he think he has his expression back under control. tsuru lifts his head up, turning slightly so that while he's still leaning against mikazuki's shoulder, he isn't actually hiding. ]
[he's very sweet, and mikazuki is very much enamored with him.
and so he's thoughtful as he thinks about those words, the offer that lies within them, and he allows himself a moment to close his eyes and smile softly]
... then I suppose that as long as you are near -
I will perish the thought.
[even if he can't promise that otherwise - even once he steps outside of their shared home together.
but with tsuru and only tsuru -
maybe it'll be fine to let down his guard just a bit]
[ he has to say it too, because he knows that he's not the best at this kind of thing either. in all honesty, if roxas hadn't frequently brought up how worried he is about mikazuki, tsurumaru might have continued to stay silent over this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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that manages to get mikazuki to pause - longer this time, his gaze growing contemplative]
... for what reason would it hurt?
When at times I am complicit, if not an instigator, in the troubles each of you suffer?
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[ his fingers curl into the robe, gripping it firmly enough just to keep him in place. ]
You always talk about wanting to understand emotions, and the experiences behind them. Of how you're always watching... but you have them too, Mikazuki. You also must feel as passionately as that boy does, even if you pretend otherwise.
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regardless mikazuki just offers another smile at that]
I do not know if it possible to feel as passionately as the young one - he is truly rather impressive.
[LET HIM STAN HIS GRANDSON
but okay even he knows that’s a rather obvious dodge]
... perhaps I might feel one way or another - but it is my duty to be an overseer for the time being. To allow others to make their own choices, even as I make my own.
I do not know if the time is yet right for myself to be allowed the luxury of remorse.
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[ they have even less people now than they thought they were going to by the end of this weekend. ]
You are allowed to be vulnerable. Even if it's just for a moment.
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mikazuki seems thoughtful about that even as he lets his hand come to rest over tsurumaru’s - over his own heart.]
... I mourn and grieve, as any other. Even though we are weapons who were wielded to take life - it is not as though we delight in it.
But our goodbyes are not forever - even my pain is only temporary.
For others, it lingers and scars.
If I can alleviate it even if only for a moment - that is enough for me.
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You take care of others. You do a very good job of it. But let me take care of you. I don't mean simply by bringing you tea, or by being your lover...
[ he turns his hand around, so he can grasp mikazuki's in it. they're holding hands now. ]
We don't have that much time left together. Let me in.
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mikazuki pauses at that - but he allows his hand to be held. his other hand moves their sake aside, before resting at the base of tsurumaru’s neck, pulling him closer]
... I do, my greedy crane.
[in little ways, admittedly. in the ways that mikazuki’s guard will drop, when he allows tsurumaru to be near him even when he is not pristinely put together, how he will seek comfort from tsurumaru in the ways that he knows how
perhaps it’s not enough.
but even so, he beckons tsuru closer to him and rests their foreheads together]
You see more of me than any other.
Even the pieces of the moon not illuminated by the light.
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he waits a moment before answering. ]
So allow me to take care of you in every way.
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Hm...
It would feel a bit remiss of me to accept your offer when there are times that you still hold some parts of yourself back.
Is it still not clear that I find all parts of you beautiful?
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that makes him pause, and he'll lean in so he can give him a quick, chaste kiss. ]
Even the parts that objectively aren't?
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not even missing a beat]
Each and every single part, Tsurumaru Kuninaga.
Because I enjoy you, in your entirety.
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[ even when there's so much he doesn't understand, and he isn't sure if he's doing this right. ]
... I'll open my heart to you, as much as I can.
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[he'll give tsurumaru a kiss, as if offering a small reward for his answer]
I do not know what you wish for me to say... but I will do what I can to make you happy.
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[ and he gives him another kiss. ]
But that wouldn't matter anyway. I don't want to put words into your mouth.
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[though he supposes that he understands the sentiment well enough]
... then I suppose I can admit to you that now and again, I grow saddened.
[this is such
a bread crumb]
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before he buries his face into mikazuki's shoulder ]
Sometimes I wonder how you're so revered.
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Likely for my composure and ability to retain dignity even in difficult times.
[that tsuru is acting him to compromise]
... when we have seen others meet their end time and time again... you would think that the ache grows less.
Even if it is not true - I can at least make play that it does, so that it does not add to the weight of those who need to be looked after more than I.
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[ he can't really argue against this completely, especially considering how much he's hiding from ookurikara especially. it's not like tsuru is a stranger to keeping things to himself but
sometimes it just gets tiring, seeing a smile that doesn't actually reach one's eyes, every time something tragic happens. ]
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there's a pause at that, as mikazuki truly takes a moment to consider his answer. who? in his home, there was no one - he'd thought. but it turned out that his master kept a closer eye on him than he'd thought. it is both shameful and sweet, to know that there is someone who was so concerned with his well-being.
he feels it again here and now with tsurumaru
but nonetheless he just leans his head against tsurumaru's]
... I suppose you do.
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he shifts slightly to make sure that his expression is definitely not visible as his face heats up. it's such a simple comment that would make him laugh in any other situation, but right now it silences him for a few seconds. ]
If you're trying to flirt with me to distract me, it won't work.
[ he can't quite hide the embarrassment from his tone but. it's fine. ]
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[TERRIBLE - but he does turn his head. even if tsurumaru is looking away from him, that doesn't stop him from pressing a soft, chaste kiss against his hair.]
... you have made it easier, even if you do not realize the extent of what you have done for me.
[letting him get away with his secrets for so long, offering his ear without judgment, and then not being so mad at him when he doesn't take the offer and instead continues off on his own. up until now, tsurumaru was very patient, and very giving - with his time, attention, and even the entirety of himself for distraction
it's been nice.
nice in a way that mikazuki normally isn't afforded, when so many require his attention in more serious aspects, or find him distrustful for his secrecy]
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I just don't wish for you to think you're alone.
In whatever way that might mean.
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and so he's thoughtful as he thinks about those words, the offer that lies within them, and he allows himself a moment to close his eyes and smile softly]
... then I suppose that as long as you are near -
I will perish the thought.
[even if he can't promise that otherwise - even once he steps outside of their shared home together.
but with tsuru and only tsuru -
maybe it'll be fine to let down his guard just a bit]
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[ he has to say it too, because he knows that he's not the best at this kind of thing either. in all honesty, if roxas hadn't frequently brought up how worried he is about mikazuki, tsurumaru might have continued to stay silent over this.
but instead here we are. ]
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[he just sounds gently surprised over it
tsurumaru is already mikazuki's favorite, how could he get any better]
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