[There's a huff of what's meant to be somewhat bitter laughter, but it falls flat, particularly with the way he seems to be curled in on himself a bit, the fingers of one hand threading into his hair.]
I can't walk and I'm more terrified than I've been in years, how do you believe I'm doing?
[Probably the most honest answer anyone's going to get out of Shirasu-- a day of this has been wearing at him. It hurts; it feels like he's not thinking with full clarity thanks to the paranoia.]
...I'm sure you can forget your terms. There's no point in them now, is there.
[That's fair. He approaches, sitting on the floor in front of where Shirasu is and finally pulling his hood down to look at him.]
Which terms are you throwing away? [He'll at least listen, even if he's incredibly angry and also emotionally drained. Shirasu's cursed, and it means he'll at least try to rein in his own feelings.] Saix took things too far. He should have left your legs alone.
[There's a wince.] Yeah...I know. I've heard. [He bows his head a little because he doesn't like the idea, but he can understand why it's there. He's quiet then.]
It's bad right now. But...you don't think it's possible to try and improve things?
[That gets a disbelieving look, a shake of his head.]
You saw what happened to the horse. He was corrupted, purified-- someone still wanted to see him dead. Do you honestly think they're going to let me live? The moment it's convenient, the second it's not a risk to Four-- they'll do it.
I'm going to try to fix this. I'll think of something. Killing Swift Wind wasn't an answer, and killing you isn't a good answer either. That's what I've been trying to say to everyone from the beginning but nobody's listening.
I can't interfere but that doesn't mean I can't talk to them. They can't keep focusing on you if the corruption keeps taking other people, that doesn't make any sense.
And killing you without being corrupted makes everyone just as bad. So...so they can't.
[He sounds. Oh so hopeful. It's not helpful, probably.]
They will. At best, I'll just be someone acceptable to kill if they don't find a corrupted culprit, and our luck with that won't hold forever. At worst, they'll come for revenge-- if some of them become corrupt, I'll be first on their list, and I'll be an easy target if they have you seal my ability and leave me like this.
[It's been running through his mind, over and over. There's one of him, and several who wanted to get rid of him. In his condition...
The odds are very bad. He'll have a hard time getting weapons. He isn't helpless, but it'll be far from a fair fight.]
There isn't a way out of this, if surviving relies on their good will.
I'm not going to let them! [And now he just sounds frustrated because realistically he knows Shirasu's right, and he's still angry about what Shirasu did to Axel, but it's still not fair.] People...someone has to listen. At least one person, and then maybe the others will change their mind. It's not about good will, it's about what's right and what's right is making sure more people don't die.
... you think too highly of people. It isn't going to work, Roxas-kun. They'll find a way to save her and get rid of me-- what's right to them will be removing a threat. Just as I intended to do.
[Another quick shake of his head, there, fingers curling into the fabric of his pants where his hands rest.]
You may as well save your breath. It won't save me. And if I die there's no saving them in the end, there's no point going along with all of this anyway--
That's my point. It's...there has to be another way and I'm going to see what I can do. You don't have to trust me, but I'm doing it anyway.
[But...he goes quiet again.] ...it's not going to mean much to you right now, but dying's not so bad. Or, at least, what happens after that. So what are you going to do, just wait for it to happen? I never thought you'd be the one to just lay down and die.
...just try to relax for today. Nobody's going to do anything right away, so there's still time. And right now everything probably seems a lot scarier than it is anyway.
[Thanks to the curse.] ...what does Milla think about all of this anyway?
How should I know what any of them think? She's just been hovering around, taking me wherever she pleases-- I don't know why she's playing at this in the first place.
Maybe it's not worth it, and maybe it's a useless effort. Maybe when this is over you'll find a way to hurt somebody else. But it's going to be worse if I don't even try again.
[Huff. He's busy staring at Shirasu then, angry and frustrated but also...questioning.]
If you've guessed, then you shouldn't be like this, you're almost as bad as them--
[-but he cuts himself off there, shaking his head. whoever they are, he doesn't want to continue that thought.]
...I regret listening to what you said.
[if he'd kept up the paranoia, if he'd been more suspicious of everyone, if he hadn't let himself get a little complacent a week after the fact-- this might not have happened.]
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I can't walk and I'm more terrified than I've been in years, how do you believe I'm doing?
[Probably the most honest answer anyone's going to get out of Shirasu-- a day of this has been wearing at him. It hurts; it feels like he's not thinking with full clarity thanks to the paranoia.]
...I'm sure you can forget your terms. There's no point in them now, is there.
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Which terms are you throwing away? [He'll at least listen, even if he's incredibly angry and also emotionally drained. Shirasu's cursed, and it means he'll at least try to rein in his own feelings.] Saix took things too far. He should have left your legs alone.
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[He takes in a harsh breath there, exhales it and tries to keep it steady.]
None of them are going to be willing to extend trust at this point, much less four. I'm not going to struggle toward something impossible.
There's little point in extending it to them to begin with.
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It's bad right now. But...you don't think it's possible to try and improve things?
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[That gets a disbelieving look, a shake of his head.]
You saw what happened to the horse. He was corrupted, purified-- someone still wanted to see him dead. Do you honestly think they're going to let me live? The moment it's convenient, the second it's not a risk to Four-- they'll do it.
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[It's not particularly reassuring, right now, and he shakes his head.]
They were already working against me. That isn't going to change now.
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And killing you without being corrupted makes everyone just as bad. So...so they can't.
[He sounds. Oh so hopeful. It's not helpful, probably.]
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[It's been running through his mind, over and over. There's one of him, and several who wanted to get rid of him. In his condition...
The odds are very bad. He'll have a hard time getting weapons. He isn't helpless, but it'll be far from a fair fight.]
There isn't a way out of this, if surviving relies on their good will.
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[Another quick shake of his head, there, fingers curling into the fabric of his pants where his hands rest.]
You may as well save your breath. It won't save me. And if I die there's no saving them in the end, there's no point going along with all of this anyway--
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[But...he goes quiet again.] ...it's not going to mean much to you right now, but dying's not so bad. Or, at least, what happens after that. So what are you going to do, just wait for it to happen? I never thought you'd be the one to just lay down and die.
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[The thought of it agitates the fear further, leaves him a little shaky.]
... I'll find some way. Find something I can use to defend myself.
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[Thanks to the curse.] ...what does Milla think about all of this anyway?
[Why is he asking...]
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[maybe when the affliction is gone.]
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... I wasn't thinking about your list at the time, but-- that changes nothing about it.
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[Jerk.]
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[There's definitely bewilderment mixed with the fear now, because what is he even supposed to do with this? What kind of fool--
...no, he supposes he knows what kind. He's known them before.
He doesn't entirely mean to say it, but he breathes out:]
If you haven't already realized it's not worth it, you're blind.
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[Huff. He's busy staring at Shirasu then, angry and frustrated but also...questioning.]
Explain it to me. Why isn't it worth it?
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[...he leaves it at that for now, though. that might be something to ask when shirasu has more clarity.]
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Do you regret any of it at all?
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[-but he cuts himself off there, shaking his head. whoever they are, he doesn't want to continue that thought.]
...I regret listening to what you said.
[if he'd kept up the paranoia, if he'd been more suspicious of everyone, if he hadn't let himself get a little complacent a week after the fact-- this might not have happened.]
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