Maybe it's not worth it, and maybe it's a useless effort. Maybe when this is over you'll find a way to hurt somebody else. But it's going to be worse if I don't even try again.
[Huff. He's busy staring at Shirasu then, angry and frustrated but also...questioning.]
If you've guessed, then you shouldn't be like this, you're almost as bad as them--
[-but he cuts himself off there, shaking his head. whoever they are, he doesn't want to continue that thought.]
...I regret listening to what you said.
[if he'd kept up the paranoia, if he'd been more suspicious of everyone, if he hadn't let himself get a little complacent a week after the fact-- this might not have happened.]
That helps. [There's a half-smile and he sits back a little, giving Shirasu another once-over.]
...I know Milla's guarding you, but otherwise you're going to be by yourself, and when you're feeling like that it sort of sucks. [To be blunt.] There's...I still have something I have to do, but I don't have to do it to you yet. I don't have my healing magic either, but I can try to help somehow.
If you do a small task for me, I can at least get some painkillers to last you until tomorrow. I'd just give them away, but...[Handweighing motions. The universe is particular.]
[He's not looking up from the book when he answers, and he doesn't speak until addressed.]
I told you. Being alone sucks. Being alone when you're feeling like this sucks even more. [A page flip.]
You don't understand this, and I don't know if you will, but even though you broke your promise and I can't really forgive that, I can't forget that you were also one of the only people to really talk to me just to talk instead of trying to only get something from me. Information, tasks, items, whatever. So...maybe you're a bad person, but bad people can still have good qualities if people figure out how to find them.
[That makes him lapse into silence once more, after nothing but a disbelieving little huff of a breath. This sort of thinking is--
Naive. Foolish. Familiar.]
-I knew people like you, once. Who were willing to take in someone they shouldn't have, because they believed exactly that sort of thing. They were too trusting.
[…a shrug.] Well then when you betray me you can say "I told you so" later. [A page flip.]
In the end, if I didn't trust anybody, I wouldn't be here at all. Even if it's a bad idea, that's my own mistake to make. If you're trying to scare me it's not gonna work. I've dealt with worse than you.
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[Jerk.]
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[There's definitely bewilderment mixed with the fear now, because what is he even supposed to do with this? What kind of fool--
...no, he supposes he knows what kind. He's known them before.
He doesn't entirely mean to say it, but he breathes out:]
If you haven't already realized it's not worth it, you're blind.
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[Huff. He's busy staring at Shirasu then, angry and frustrated but also...questioning.]
Explain it to me. Why isn't it worth it?
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[...he leaves it at that for now, though. that might be something to ask when shirasu has more clarity.]
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Do you regret any of it at all?
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[-but he cuts himself off there, shaking his head. whoever they are, he doesn't want to continue that thought.]
...I regret listening to what you said.
[if he'd kept up the paranoia, if he'd been more suspicious of everyone, if he hadn't let himself get a little complacent a week after the fact-- this might not have happened.]
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That's your choice. [He's not going to argue that right now.] But I'll ask you again tomorrow anyway.
[A pause.] Do you want me to leave?
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I don't know.
[The answers come one after the other, and he runs his fingers restlessly through his hair.]
You're-- it's still there but I don't... think that I'm afraid of you.
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...I know Milla's guarding you, but otherwise you're going to be by yourself, and when you're feeling like that it sort of sucks. [To be blunt.] There's...I still have something I have to do, but I don't have to do it to you yet. I don't have my healing magic either, but I can try to help somehow.
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[He suggested it, after all, even if it was in an attempt to save his own limbs-- and look how that turned out.]
But I don't-- know what else you could do to help.
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[he has alcohol thanks to milla letting him keep the sake jug, and he has probably had worse.
mostly, he just doesn't want to think about tasks right now. it just leads to considering the previous one.]
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Apparently he's just going to sit here and keep Shirasu company for a little while? So that's fine. Also, he's monitoring him but whatever.]
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But then he also doesn't, because being alone when he's this full of fear and uncertainty means this place may as well be a tiny, dark box.
Shirasu is silent for a while, but eventually:]
Why are you doing any of this?
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I told you. Being alone sucks. Being alone when you're feeling like this sucks even more. [A page flip.]
You don't understand this, and I don't know if you will, but even though you broke your promise and I can't really forgive that, I can't forget that you were also one of the only people to really talk to me just to talk instead of trying to only get something from me. Information, tasks, items, whatever. So...maybe you're a bad person, but bad people can still have good qualities if people figure out how to find them.
Or it's what I think, anyway. [Given...Saix...]
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[That makes him lapse into silence once more, after nothing but a disbelieving little huff of a breath. This sort of thinking is--
Naive. Foolish. Familiar.]
-I knew people like you, once. Who were willing to take in someone they shouldn't have, because they believed exactly that sort of thing. They were too trusting.
They were betrayed, in the end.
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In the end, if I didn't trust anybody, I wouldn't be here at all. Even if it's a bad idea, that's my own mistake to make. If you're trying to scare me it's not gonna work. I've dealt with worse than you.
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... you'll have to tell me about that later, then.
[When he's in more of a mindset to listen.]
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[He doesn't seem to mind.]