[his steps are a little slower than normal, not quite hesitant but measured as he takes in the scene, the shrine as it's meant to be-- like normal, back when there was a normal. not desecrated and unnerving.
is this just another hallucination? but those hadn't spoken, and this is certainly his voice, apparently all too real.]
Tenka...?
[his voice is soft at first, almost uncertain, but...
no. there's no way this is something real. it's a memory from the past again, or another vision; this is something he couldn't ever truly come back to. and if it's only a vision, then...
shirasu breathes out a familiar sigh, shaking his head as he takes a seat and runs fingers through his messy, headband-less hair.]
Ssshhh, what he doesn't know won't—whoa! You look like a mess!
[when has tenka ever known how to cushion a blow. he's already pouring another cup of sake for shirasu when he looks over, obviously confused over the lack of a hairband? his brow furrows in confusion at that, tilting his head in obvious concern]
Did you run into some trouble? Did a hawk bully you?
[AND STEAL HIS HEADBAND? THAT SEEMS TO BE WHAT TENKA IS IMPLYING]
The sun's down - it's time to play while the children dream!!
[HE'S SO CONFIDENT ABOUT IT and he's just going to laugh again, loudly, because somehow soramaru and chuutarou have adapted to sleep through their brother's roaring laughter. he gently clinks his sake cup against shirasu's and starts to knock his back]
Make sure that you have it back by morning, though. Those children will be really upset if you've lost it.
[considering how hard it was to wrangle onto shirasu the first time?]
Bahaha, you look just like how we found you, you know?
I work hard! Sleeping in is my earned right as the Head of the Shrine!!
[this is probably an excuse that he pulls out all the time, and he's gesturing so intensely with his cup he's probably just barely keeping from having the sake spill over]
More than that...
Don't you wake up too early? Your face is showing it.
[and he'll reach out to poke at shirasu's cheek if his hand makes it that far - he looks tired. tenka's a fool, but his eye for people is rather excellent.]
[shirasu reflexively reaches over to steady his cup, before he has to mop up this porch--
...well. he won't, because he's still certain this isn't going to last long, but... it seems it's harder to avoid thinking of this as real than he thought.]
If you're that concerned, wake up a bit earlier and help in the morning.
[but honestly while shirasu is trying to steady tenka's cup, tenka is already lifting the bottle of sake to replenish what little of shirasu's sake that he was drinking?]
Come on, what are you waiting for? Let's drink so much that we both have trouble getting up in the morning!
Bahahaha! Of course - everything that we do, we do together right?
[he says it carelessly before he knocks back his drink -
but as far as he's concerned, it's the truth. for so long, he couldn't trust anyone besides the person behind him. the villagers and his brothers still don't know anything about the burden that tenka carries, but shirasu?
shirasu will always be there at his side.
he knows this as innately as he knows how to breathe]
[ah-- suddenly he needs the rest of that drink, slowly finishing off his own cup so that he doesn't have to say anything immediately.
it's hard, to be faced with a tenka that seems to thoroughly believe that, who hasn't yet asked him if he was ever truly here. who apparently has no idea of what he's going to do, what he's planned to do since before they ever met, because tenka's not the only one who's kept his burdens hidden.
the temptation is there. he could put an end to that. he could so easily say that tenka is wrong.]
You know, one day you'll have to be careful of saying such things. [shirasu takes a moment, refilling his cup.] What will your future wife think, after all?
[...he just can't bring himself to wipe that smile from that face, now that he's seen it again.]
[if anything, tenka's grin just widens when shirasu fills his own cup again without any prompting from him. there's another laugh as he refills his own cup and hums as he stretches his leggies waaaaaaay out past the porch and leans back on his hand, gaze going up]
We'll cross that bridge when we get there, you know? I haven't even met her yet.... mm, probably.
[tenka?? doesn't know??? maybe one of the girls in the village will be his wife]
I'm pretty happy here, to be honest. I could be happier - but she'll have to face that you're always going to be in my life. No arguments!
You're being selfish again, Tenka... but if you say no arguments, I suppose I can't say much.
[... he can't help smiling at the thought, just a little. it would have been nice if things turned out that way, wouldn't it? if everything had been different from the start, if the lies he told about himself were true-- maybe it could have been real for that shirasu, one who never needed to let go of that identity.
would that version of himself be happy? he certainly wouldn't have ended up where he has now.
he takes another drink, and either thanks to the sake or the lingering belief he isn't really here, he asks--]
That's right! No arguments! And even if I'm selfish - then I'll spend the rest of my life trying to selfishly figure out how to make everyone as happy as I am.
[he laughs again - as loud as ever, careless and pleased.
it's easy to say things like this - to believe that he'll live forever, that he'll get the chance to grow old with shirasu and his little brothers, that there aren't the cells of the Orochi lingering in his body and threatening to overtake him any day that they might grow too strong.
his story is going to have a happy ending, even if he has to write it himself]
I think... that'd make me happier. Being able to do all that, like we've got all the time in the world.
[he almost feels bad. he knows that shirasu hates to think of when tenka might be gone one day, when his time is going to run out. but all of that will be tenka's fault, for agreeing to just a bit more time with his family instead of letting himself be a husk of a person.
You say that like it's the simplest thing in the world...
[he's always been that way, hasn't he. but hearing that dream now, knowing what he does-- knowing how this will all end, that tenka will 'die' and return and that shirasu will break their connection anyway, that even those actions will be for nothing in the end...
one day tenka will be gone and shirasu will not be there. he'll be at a distance even if he's present, likely as someone else. if he survives, he doesn't know if he'll ever manage to speak to tenka at all.
maybe coming here and letting himself pretend was as foolish as meeting the kumous in the first place, and that small smile falters at the thought.
shirasu leans forward then, elbows resting on his knees, the fingers of one hand threading into his hair and his gaze fixed downward.]
--sorry, Tenka.
[for the fact that the shift probably alarms him, but-- also because he never actually said it to tenka himself, even if this one won't know what it is he's really apologizing for.
he can't say the same words to the one who should hear them.]
[that manages to get tenka to stop before he even takes another sip of his sake, blinking in confusion when shirasu suddenly moves to curl in on himself and offers up an apology.]
Huh?
[tenka's not really sure what shirasu is apologizing for, but he'll still try to move the same way that he does, but more to try to get a look at the expression on his face than anything else. his hand will reach out to push shirasu's hair out of the way so it's easier for tenka to look him in the eye]
For what?
We're not out of time just yet or anything, you know? You can't ask for a man's dreams and then just dash them like that!
[it's that touch, more than anything, that solidifies what he'd just begun thinking. it feels all too real, and he thinks again that this was foolish of him, that of course he couldn't simply go along with this. not as he is now.
he allows tenka to brush his hair aside, but his expression is difficult to read.]
...I know. It's- nothing.
[it's not and he knows tenka will know that, but he hopes tenka will accept that for what it means: he doesn't want to say what it actually is.]
We should focus more on the present than the future, perhaps. [shirasu lightly takes his wrist in hand, guiding tenka's hand away from his face, putting a small smile back into place.] And presently... it's late, and I'll have to be up early to have any hope of cleaning up after you before Soramaru finds out.
[it's not nothing - and there's a clear frown on tenka's face because he knows it's not nothing... but he supposes that maybe now isn't the best time to talk about it.
regardless of that he'll shift so that his weight falls on shirasu, because he'll still protest.]
You're being a spoilsport! If you head off to bed, then what am I supposed to do? Drink alone?
No way, you gotta stay!
[even if it just means tenka not being alone a while longer, because there are times where he thinks that being by himself is so difficult that it makes it hard to breathe]
[shirasu sighs as his weight rests against him, propping tenka up despite the urge to lean aside and just let him tip over like he probably deserves for pulling that?
he should. he should push tenka off and get up. he should leave here before it hurts any more than it already does.
...he reaches for the cup he'd set aside.]
Only a little longer. You're the only one with an excuse to sleep in, after all.
[he'll stay until tenka inevitably passes out. it's the smoothest way to make an exit without disrupting things, right? this is the most reasonable option.
[tenka is truly the worst influence in the world - but shirasu keeping the shrine clean has always been his area. tenka was never good at it, even before he came to their family. that was when villagers would help, when tenka was so small and yet suddenly so in charge of his family's legacy.
but for now he's content to lean against shirasu, to rest his weight on him, because shirasu is here and tenka doesn't have to worry about being left alone at all.
but he's just going to refill his cup, cheeks already rosy and yet showing no sign of stopping]
What about you, Shirasu?
What would make you happier? The Great Kumou Tenka is listening - and I'll grant whatever it is!
Edited (had to make it a little stupider) 2019-06-20 15:44 (UTC)
[that gets a wry smile from him, as he drinks again. he supposes he can indulge, just this once, and it's an excuse to stop and think. to find an answer he can actually give.]
But I think... I'd be happy enough just staying like this.
[he can't forget his obligations, his first family. it was never an option, with his position, and he could never have left his brother behind entirely. but if this could have been more true, if he could be the shirasu that tenka thinks he actually is...
then just having a life here would be enough, in that case. uninterrupted by everything that's yet to happen.]
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is this just another hallucination? but those hadn't spoken, and this is certainly his voice, apparently all too real.]
Tenka...?
[his voice is soft at first, almost uncertain, but...
no. there's no way this is something real. it's a memory from the past again, or another vision; this is something he couldn't ever truly come back to. and if it's only a vision, then...
shirasu breathes out a familiar sigh, shaking his head as he takes a seat and runs fingers through his messy, headband-less hair.]
Soramaru will scold you, you know.
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[when has tenka ever known how to cushion a blow. he's already pouring another cup of sake for shirasu when he looks over, obviously confused over the lack of a hairband? his brow furrows in confusion at that, tilting his head in obvious concern]
Did you run into some trouble? Did a hawk bully you?
[AND STEAL HIS HEADBAND? THAT SEEMS TO BE WHAT TENKA IS IMPLYING]
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[shirasu brushes that off as he picks up the cup tenka's poured for him, outwardly unconcerned.]
I needed to work somewhere it might have gotten caught. That's all.
[it was just left behind for practicality's sake, to prevent risking it, something simple like that. certainly not what actually happened to it.]
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[HE'S SO CONFIDENT ABOUT IT and he's just going to laugh again, loudly, because somehow soramaru and chuutarou have adapted to sleep through their brother's roaring laughter. he gently clinks his sake cup against shirasu's and starts to knock his back]
Make sure that you have it back by morning, though. Those children will be really upset if you've lost it.
[considering how hard it was to wrangle onto shirasu the first time?]
Bahaha, you look just like how we found you, you know?
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[it's all too easy to promise that when he knows there's not going to be a morning, that any dream or vision is just something temporary.
it's all too easy to fall back into old habits.
he sips from his own cup, barely drinking any of it.]
But I'd like to think I look a little better than that, at least...
[he's not injured, this time. just, well. maybe a little tired-looking.]
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[he has no reason to be so fucking rude?]
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[There's a faint smile, there, as he takes another small sip.]
If I was a drowned fox, then you're still the same crab you've always been.
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[tenka's already filling up his cup again haha rip]
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[shirasu takes a moment to observe him over the rim of his cup, pretending to consider.]
An octopus, perhaps. You certainly cling to the blankets like one when it's time to get out of bed, not to mention...
[he gestures at tenka's dumb hair.]
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[this is probably an excuse that he pulls out all the time, and he's gesturing so intensely with his cup he's probably just barely keeping from having the sake spill over]
More than that...
Don't you wake up too early? Your face is showing it.
[and he'll reach out to poke at shirasu's cheek if his hand makes it that far - he looks tired. tenka's a fool, but his eye for people is rather excellent.]
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[shirasu reflexively reaches over to steady his cup, before he has to mop up this porch--
...well. he won't, because he's still certain this isn't going to last long, but... it seems it's harder to avoid thinking of this as real than he thought.]
If you're that concerned, wake up a bit earlier and help in the morning.
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[but honestly while shirasu is trying to steady tenka's cup, tenka is already lifting the bottle of sake to replenish what little of shirasu's sake that he was drinking?]
Come on, what are you waiting for? Let's drink so much that we both have trouble getting up in the morning!
[they're going to starve]
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[and also, yes, they're going to starve?
...but he drinks anyway, taking a longer pull from the cup this time.]
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[he says it carelessly before he knocks back his drink -
but as far as he's concerned, it's the truth. for so long, he couldn't trust anyone besides the person behind him. the villagers and his brothers still don't know anything about the burden that tenka carries, but shirasu?
shirasu will always be there at his side.
he knows this as innately as he knows how to breathe]
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it's hard, to be faced with a tenka that seems to thoroughly believe that, who hasn't yet asked him if he was ever truly here. who apparently has no idea of what he's going to do, what he's planned to do since before they ever met, because tenka's not the only one who's kept his burdens hidden.
the temptation is there. he could put an end to that. he could so easily say that tenka is wrong.]
You know, one day you'll have to be careful of saying such things. [shirasu takes a moment, refilling his cup.] What will your future wife think, after all?
[...he just can't bring himself to wipe that smile from that face, now that he's seen it again.]
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We'll cross that bridge when we get there, you know? I haven't even met her yet.... mm, probably.
[tenka?? doesn't know??? maybe one of the girls in the village will be his wife]
I'm pretty happy here, to be honest. I could be happier - but she'll have to face that you're always going to be in my life. No arguments!
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[... he can't help smiling at the thought, just a little. it would have been nice if things turned out that way, wouldn't it? if everything had been different from the start, if the lies he told about himself were true-- maybe it could have been real for that shirasu, one who never needed to let go of that identity.
would that version of himself be happy? he certainly wouldn't have ended up where he has now.
he takes another drink, and either thanks to the sake or the lingering belief he isn't really here, he asks--]
What would make you happier?
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[he laughs again - as loud as ever, careless and pleased.
it's easy to say things like this - to believe that he'll live forever, that he'll get the chance to grow old with shirasu and his little brothers, that there aren't the cells of the Orochi lingering in his body and threatening to overtake him any day that they might grow too strong.
his story is going to have a happy ending, even if he has to write it himself]
I think... that'd make me happier. Being able to do all that, like we've got all the time in the world.
[he almost feels bad. he knows that shirasu hates to think of when tenka might be gone one day, when his time is going to run out. but all of that will be tenka's fault, for agreeing to just a bit more time with his family instead of letting himself be a husk of a person.
but he has to say it.
he has a dream and it's clear.]
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[he's always been that way, hasn't he. but hearing that dream now, knowing what he does-- knowing how this will all end, that tenka will 'die' and return and that shirasu will break their connection anyway, that even those actions will be for nothing in the end...
one day tenka will be gone and shirasu will not be there. he'll be at a distance even if he's present, likely as someone else. if he survives, he doesn't know if he'll ever manage to speak to tenka at all.
maybe coming here and letting himself pretend was as foolish as meeting the kumous in the first place, and that small smile falters at the thought.
shirasu leans forward then, elbows resting on his knees, the fingers of one hand threading into his hair and his gaze fixed downward.]
--sorry, Tenka.
[for the fact that the shift probably alarms him, but-- also because he never actually said it to tenka himself, even if this one won't know what it is he's really apologizing for.
he can't say the same words to the one who should hear them.]
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Huh?
[tenka's not really sure what shirasu is apologizing for, but he'll still try to move the same way that he does, but more to try to get a look at the expression on his face than anything else. his hand will reach out to push shirasu's hair out of the way so it's easier for tenka to look him in the eye]
For what?
We're not out of time just yet or anything, you know? You can't ask for a man's dreams and then just dash them like that!
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he allows tenka to brush his hair aside, but his expression is difficult to read.]
...I know. It's- nothing.
[it's not and he knows tenka will know that, but he hopes tenka will accept that for what it means: he doesn't want to say what it actually is.]
We should focus more on the present than the future, perhaps. [shirasu lightly takes his wrist in hand, guiding tenka's hand away from his face, putting a small smile back into place.] And presently... it's late, and I'll have to be up early to have any hope of cleaning up after you before Soramaru finds out.
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regardless of that he'll shift so that his weight falls on shirasu, because he'll still protest.]
You're being a spoilsport! If you head off to bed, then what am I supposed to do? Drink alone?
No way, you gotta stay!
[even if it just means tenka not being alone a while longer, because there are times where he thinks that being by himself is so difficult that it makes it hard to breathe]
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[shirasu sighs as his weight rests against him, propping tenka up despite the urge to lean aside and just let him tip over like he probably deserves for pulling that?
he should. he should push tenka off and get up. he should leave here before it hurts any more than it already does.
...he reaches for the cup he'd set aside.]
Only a little longer. You're the only one with an excuse to sleep in, after all.
[he'll stay until tenka inevitably passes out. it's the smoothest way to make an exit without disrupting things, right? this is the most reasonable option.
that's all that it is.]
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[tenka is truly the worst influence in the world - but shirasu keeping the shrine clean has always been his area. tenka was never good at it, even before he came to their family. that was when villagers would help, when tenka was so small and yet suddenly so in charge of his family's legacy.
but for now he's content to lean against shirasu, to rest his weight on him, because shirasu is here and tenka doesn't have to worry about being left alone at all.
but he's just going to refill his cup, cheeks already rosy and yet showing no sign of stopping]
What about you, Shirasu?
What would make you happier? The Great Kumou Tenka is listening - and I'll grant whatever it is!
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[that gets a wry smile from him, as he drinks again. he supposes he can indulge, just this once, and it's an excuse to stop and think. to find an answer he can actually give.]
But I think... I'd be happy enough just staying like this.
[he can't forget his obligations, his first family. it was never an option, with his position, and he could never have left his brother behind entirely. but if this could have been more true, if he could be the shirasu that tenka thinks he actually is...
then just having a life here would be enough, in that case. uninterrupted by everything that's yet to happen.]
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