Enough to keep myself alive here, I suppose. To try to change things if necessary, or-- to work with other sources, if they too can be harnessed.
[He rests his chin in his hand, there, the other idly spinning a little whorl into the water.]
I asked Lune-san once if this darkness that keeps afflicting us might also be controlled. If it were to happen-- I dislike the idea of not knowing my own actions.
[because that's definitely the part to worry about, not the murder part? but he has to wonder if it's possible to work with it instead of against it.
You mean harnessing the darkness for yourself so that you remember what you're doing instead of letting it use your body for its own means. I understand that. [Not exactly the best thing to focus on, but it's also not the worst? Sol's not a huge fan of loss of control either.] It's something we've looked into ourselves, but studying the darkness is still taking time.
But I don't think it's a bad thing to consider. If you could control things, you could stop them.
It's not so unfamiliar where I'm from either. [...] People can take control of their darkness, but it's harder than it sounds. It could ultimately destroy you if you're not careful, but if you learn to manage it...it's pretty powerful.
...you could say that. [Sol...is fine.] I don't know if it's something I could really teach though. It's different where we're from even if the darkness is similar.
Yes...? [Shirasu no??] But it's not that easy, Shirasu. If you don't know how to control it, it will destroy you. Is that really a risk you want to try and take right now?
I hardly intend to rush in. Explain how it works where you're from, sometime, in case some of those concepts are the same; I'll continue working on my control of my element, in case that applies as well. Perhaps give it another week-- a few days, at least. But if it's something that could be another source of power... I do intend to see what I can do with it.
I've told you before what my situation is, here. I believe I can afford a few risks if it might help me achieve what I want.
...true enough. [They consider this.] Usually, to harness the power of darkness, you open your heart to the darkness and allow it to take over. You lose who you are as a person and the darkness continues to try and control you. Only those with a strong enough heart can truly master their own darkness. And even then it's a struggle.
When I spoke to Mary while she was afflicted... struggling against it seemed to pain her. Since then, I've wondered if it would be easiest to control if one just-- allowed it in, and worked with it from there.
[He finally stops shaping the water, there, giving Sol more of his attention.]
When I said I've survived it before...
[Another pause, a little more hesitant this time, before he decides to continue. If it might help, it could be worth saying.]
It was a rite of my clan. We aren't born with this appearance-- after surviving a particular task, we spend a full week locked in a box filled with darkness. By the end, our hair and eye color have changed, and we're considered fully fledged members of the clan. Those who can't take the darkness do not join our ranks.
[This isn't quite the full version, but. Well. There you go, Sol.]
At least, that's how things were when I was young and had my own rite.
[...oh. Well. That changes everything, doesn't it? Sol looks at Shirasu for a while...before they just sit on the sand, leaning back with their hands propping them up and watching him still.]
...it's a little different for me. [How to explain...] The darkness is a powerful thing, and if a person loses themselves to that darkness, there's a very strong chance that they won't ever come back. But if they survive, or if they're strong enough, they're...kinda reborn. Same thing as you've said. Their appearance can sometimes change, and by the end the strongest are brought together to work together.
[...] And while it's possible to control the darkness, it's not complete control. There are still things missing that are needed to reach full potential. Sometimes, if someone gives into the darkness and come back, they don't remember anything at all. Other times they can surrender themselves and find a way to tame it. And other times, still, they become focused and consumed.
So...why was something like that a rite of passage for you?
Our former Head only wanted the strongest of us-- those able to withstand both the rite and the task necessary to undertake it. It's an old custom that he put back into effect to that end.
[There's a slight frown there, a little furrow of his brow, but it clears somewhat-- although not entirely.]
Some referred to it as a spell to kill the heart.
[Which he doesn't explain whatsoever before giving Sol a curious look.]
[Why would you want to kill the heart...? But there's little hesitation with the answer.]
Yes. Just like I know someone who was consumed by it and lost important pieces of themselves. [Two different people.] Taming it wasn't easy. Without tapping into those powers though, the guy was weaker.
[A beat.] The only reason he beat me was because he cheated.
Kind of a jerk for a couple of reasons. [But there's a shift in Sol's stance, like they're uncertain.] But he was important, so it made some sense. Things have changed and I still don't really forgive him for some things, but I can understand his reasoning now. He's...really dedicated to his friends. He fought the darkness for a while, before he stopped being afraid of it and made it work for him.
The damage he caused could have been avoided. [They don't sound sure of that, actually.] But I owe him for some things and that's the part I hate the most.
[He doesn't want to be indebted to this guy, please.] We get along a little better these days.
[Still feeling certain ties, no matter how much you'd like not to--
One hand drops to one of the many pockets of his stupid outfit, there, fingers brushing briefly against whatever he's stashed in it. There always have to be reminders of things, don't there...
What a pain.]
Is he someone you'd like to see, when this is over-- assuming it doesn't end poorly?
...it's more like...he's very important to someone very important to me. [Almost like a mutual friend, but not.] Wherever one is, the other's not that far behind. It's kinda why we fought a long time ago.
[So. It's a conflict. They're watching Shirasu from under that hood though, trying to see what he's doing.] But I wouldn't mind. I'm just not sure I'm going back right away.
I am not jealous. [Ew? They sound insulted...but...] He's important for those reasons and because of some stuff that happened. As much as I want to, I can't exactly deny that he did some stuff that made a big difference.
[They stare out at the ocean.] ...I don't really have much to be jealous of anyway.
[...well. There's a moment before their hand seems to curl up against their chest somewhere where their heart would be. Something they envy...?]
...it used to be that way. But things changed. I got what I wanted after all this time, but now I have to repay the favor. [..they're aware they're saying too much, but somehow it seems fine.] Nothing lasts forever, but I'll get them back. And then maybe we can finally rest.
[That is to say, Sol has a bigger plan after this. But here they are instead.]
[That's all there is to the question for now, a quiet request for elaboration-- because he can't help but wonder if there are similarities, in what they want. In what Shirasu's willing to take risks here for, in the things he wants to find a way to change.]
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[He rests his chin in his hand, there, the other idly spinning a little whorl into the water.]
I asked Lune-san once if this darkness that keeps afflicting us might also be controlled. If it were to happen-- I dislike the idea of not knowing my own actions.
[because that's definitely the part to worry about, not the murder part? but he has to wonder if it's possible to work with it instead of against it.
does sol regret this yet.]
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You mean harnessing the darkness for yourself so that you remember what you're doing instead of letting it use your body for its own means. I understand that. [Not exactly the best thing to focus on, but it's also not the worst? Sol's not a huge fan of loss of control either.] It's something we've looked into ourselves, but studying the darkness is still taking time.
But I don't think it's a bad thing to consider. If you could control things, you could stop them.
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[A pause there, before-]
Darkness isn't unfamiliar to my people. It might not be so difficult.
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If it's something done where you're from... is that something you know how to do? Or would it be necessary to find a specific source of it...
[closes my eyes in the background]
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Perhaps give it another week-- a few days, at least. But if it's something that could be another source of power... I do intend to see what I can do with it.
I've told you before what my situation is, here. I believe I can afford a few risks if it might help me achieve what I want.
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[A brief pause there, considering.]
When I spoke to Mary while she was afflicted... struggling against it seemed to pain her. Since then, I've wondered if it would be easiest to control if one just-- allowed it in, and worked with it from there.
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...it's not just about taking over the physical body. It takes over the heart, too. And the brain. Do you think you can regain control of all three?
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[He finally stops shaping the water, there, giving Sol more of his attention.]
When I said I've survived it before...
[Another pause, a little more hesitant this time, before he decides to continue. If it might help, it could be worth saying.]
It was a rite of my clan. We aren't born with this appearance-- after surviving a particular task, we spend a full week locked in a box filled with darkness. By the end, our hair and eye color have changed, and we're considered fully fledged members of the clan. Those who can't take the darkness do not join our ranks.
[This isn't quite the full version, but. Well. There you go, Sol.]
At least, that's how things were when I was young and had my own rite.
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...it's a little different for me. [How to explain...] The darkness is a powerful thing, and if a person loses themselves to that darkness, there's a very strong chance that they won't ever come back. But if they survive, or if they're strong enough, they're...kinda reborn. Same thing as you've said. Their appearance can sometimes change, and by the end the strongest are brought together to work together.
[...] And while it's possible to control the darkness, it's not complete control. There are still things missing that are needed to reach full potential. Sometimes, if someone gives into the darkness and come back, they don't remember anything at all. Other times they can surrender themselves and find a way to tame it. And other times, still, they become focused and consumed.
So...why was something like that a rite of passage for you?
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[There's a slight frown there, a little furrow of his brow, but it clears somewhat-- although not entirely.]
Some referred to it as a spell to kill the heart.
[Which he doesn't explain whatsoever before giving Sol a curious look.]
Did you know anyone who successfully tamed it?
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Yes. Just like I know someone who was consumed by it and lost important pieces of themselves. [Two different people.] Taming it wasn't easy. Without tapping into those powers though, the guy was weaker.
[A beat.] The only reason he beat me was because he cheated.
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[There's a faint huff of a laugh, there, not derisive-- just amused at the timing of it, in the midst of this conversation.]
I believe they say that taking any advantage in a battle is fair, you know.
[He's a ninja, of course he sees nothing wrong with this.]
What was he like, beyond that?
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Kind of a jerk for a couple of reasons. [But there's a shift in Sol's stance, like they're uncertain.] But he was important, so it made some sense. Things have changed and I still don't really forgive him for some things, but I can understand his reasoning now. He's...really dedicated to his friends. He fought the darkness for a while, before he stopped being afraid of it and made it work for him.
The damage he caused could have been avoided. [They don't sound sure of that, actually.] But I owe him for some things and that's the part I hate the most.
[He doesn't want to be indebted to this guy, please.] We get along a little better these days.
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[Still feeling certain ties, no matter how much you'd like not to--
One hand drops to one of the many pockets of his stupid outfit, there, fingers brushing briefly against whatever he's stashed in it. There always have to be reminders of things, don't there...
What a pain.]
Is he someone you'd like to see, when this is over-- assuming it doesn't end poorly?
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...it's more like...he's very important to someone very important to me. [Almost like a mutual friend, but not.] Wherever one is, the other's not that far behind. It's kinda why we fought a long time ago.
[So. It's a conflict. They're watching Shirasu from under that hood though, trying to see what he's doing.] But I wouldn't mind. I'm just not sure I'm going back right away.
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[He says that all too casually-- hard to say if it's teasing or not. His hand falls back to his side, meanwhile.]
I couldn't help but wonder, when you said he was important.
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[They stare out at the ocean.] ...I don't really have much to be jealous of anyway.
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[Shirasu leans back a bit, propping himself up on his hands as he follows Sol's gaze, looking out over the water as well.]
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...it used to be that way. But things changed. I got what I wanted after all this time, but now I have to repay the favor. [..they're aware they're saying too much, but somehow it seems fine.] Nothing lasts forever, but I'll get them back. And then maybe we can finally rest.
[That is to say, Sol has a bigger plan after this. But here they are instead.]
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[That's all there is to the question for now, a quiet request for elaboration-- because he can't help but wonder if there are similarities, in what they want. In what Shirasu's willing to take risks here for, in the things he wants to find a way to change.]
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