... imagine if I chose now to tease and pretend I received another message.
[but regardless lune will simply conjure another cup - shess technically doesn't need it since he doesn't speak through normal means but oh well. he pours tea into it and offers it to him anyway]
Anything you would like to share - I am happy to listen.
he takes the cup. the upside of not talking through normal means is, indeed, that he can drink the tea and talk at the same time.]
I'm what's known as a rakshasa: a sura born to nastika, the first generation who were created at the start of the universe. Unlike humans, our growth is drastic, rather than gradual. Our physical and mental age, as well as power levels, increase in a series of stages.
And to unlock the next stage, two things are needed: sufficient experience and a "key". That is, an event intense enough to act as a trigger for development.
[there's your bit of sura 101.]
... It's rare for a rakshasa to survive for as long as I have. Almost impossible, even. Especially since I'm only in the fourth stage, and not the fifth—the final stage, which could potentially put one even on the level of the nastika.
I'm very well-known for it, actually: the eternal fourth stage rakshasa, who in all these millions of years has never been able to find his final key. [and not for a lack of trauma.] To be honest, I'll probably be locked in this stage forever.
[this all might sound like a complete nonsequitur from what they were just talking about, but this is relevant, he swears.]
... Do you remember the memory you had me tell you about before? The one Miki saw?
[the one that had, until then, been written out of his mind.]
but okay, lune is listening? he pays attention to every word that shess shares with him, nodding briefly in places even as he continues to sip at his tea]
Mm, I do.
[it makes a bit more sense now that he has the background knowledge too - but he'll allow shess to continue]
Physical might is all that matters in sura society. If you lack it, your life holds no worth.
Despite my mother being king, I was born as a weak child. Airavata—the nastika my mother killed—was the one person who looked past that and took care of me. It's a debt I've never been able to repay.
[perhaps now, he's afraid he won't be able to repay lune for his kindness here.
anyway. he smiles wryly.]
Ookurikara and Cinnabar don't know it, but I do understand where they're coming from. I was terrible at handling people as well, though for different reasons.
[he was a terrified child who had come to expect others to hurt him.]
... It's almost amusing. Losing everything back then was what allowed me to finally gain the strength I lacked. I developed to fourth stage, and with no one left to protect me, I had to learn how to do it myself.
[minato had asked him that, as well. not with all the details, of course, but...]
I suppose I'm used to it.
... But I won't deny that I've always felt that something was missing. I think... even without my memories of her, I've been chasing after Airavata all this time. Ever since I began remembering here, I've been reflecting on it a lot.
[trying to fill the void she left behind, the part of him still reeling from her death that he was never given the chance to grieve over.
he smiles softly.]
You two would've gotten along well. She was a vibrant woman who liked humans, protected those she loved with all her heart, feared little, and was fond of teasing others.
Mm - I am unsurprised to hear that such a woman was your caretaker. Do you think that it is possible that you carried her influence in your heart, even if you could not remember exactly what type of person she was?
[he thinks it makes sense - since shess himself is a rather comforting presence, even if others may find it hard to discern his attitude]
Do you think that you will be able to find a way to honor her memory, now that you recall it?
Hm... probably not in any sort of drastic way. I have responsibilities to fulfill, regardless of events that happened millions of years ago.
I suppose she'd be sad to know that I went back to my mother [not that he had much of a choice] but in the end, I'm still of the Kinnara clan. I can fight for the "whole" of something without caring for the individual pieces, and Airavata would understand that.
[there is a nod at that - it always comes down to responsibilities and duty, doesn't it]
Mm, I am sure that she would.
Regardless... if you are able to continue to find the pockets of happiness when they are made available to you, I would like to think that she would be happy with that.
At the very least, it is what I hope for. A kind future for yourself, and for your charge.
I said something similar to Minato. Things might get tiring, but it's a matter of waiting for the moments that make it worth it. Or, finding them ourselves.
All the more so for those of us with infinite lifespans—unlike humans, we have less of a notion of "making the most of our lives".
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[but there is something gently amused in lune's expression]
I do not think you will need to worry about myself disappearing in an untimely fashion.
I possess an incredibly certain existence.
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You asked what I was thinking. That was part of it. It's something of a pattern for me.
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[there is a nodding then, as if understanding better]
An unfortunate coincidence would begin to feel that way... Even if those same people might be cross with you for thinking that way.
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[he's quiet for a few moments, and then:]
Do you want to hear a story, Lune? It's a bit of a long one, though.
[he knows the answer is going to be yes, but might as well as give him a preface.]
no subject
[but regardless lune will simply conjure another cup - shess technically doesn't need it since he doesn't speak through normal means but oh well. he pours tea into it and offers it to him anyway]
Anything you would like to share - I am happy to listen.
no subject
he takes the cup. the upside of not talking through normal means is, indeed, that he can drink the tea and talk at the same time.]
I'm what's known as a rakshasa: a sura born to nastika, the first generation who were created at the start of the universe. Unlike humans, our growth is drastic, rather than gradual. Our physical and mental age, as well as power levels, increase in a series of stages.
And to unlock the next stage, two things are needed: sufficient experience and a "key". That is, an event intense enough to act as a trigger for development.
[there's your bit of sura 101.]
... It's rare for a rakshasa to survive for as long as I have. Almost impossible, even. Especially since I'm only in the fourth stage, and not the fifth—the final stage, which could potentially put one even on the level of the nastika.
I'm very well-known for it, actually: the eternal fourth stage rakshasa, who in all these millions of years has never been able to find his final key. [and not for a lack of trauma.] To be honest, I'll probably be locked in this stage forever.
[this all might sound like a complete nonsequitur from what they were just talking about, but this is relevant, he swears.]
... Do you remember the memory you had me tell you about before? The one Miki saw?
[the one that had, until then, been written out of his mind.]
no subject
but okay, lune is listening? he pays attention to every word that shess shares with him, nodding briefly in places even as he continues to sip at his tea]
Mm, I do.
[it makes a bit more sense now that he has the background knowledge too - but he'll allow shess to continue]
no subject
shess sips his tea as well.]
Physical might is all that matters in sura society. If you lack it, your life holds no worth.
Despite my mother being king, I was born as a weak child. Airavata—the nastika my mother killed—was the one person who looked past that and took care of me. It's a debt I've never been able to repay.
[perhaps now, he's afraid he won't be able to repay lune for his kindness here.
anyway. he smiles wryly.]
Ookurikara and Cinnabar don't know it, but I do understand where they're coming from. I was terrible at handling people as well, though for different reasons.
[he was a terrified child who had come to expect others to hurt him.]
... It's almost amusing. Losing everything back then was what allowed me to finally gain the strength I lacked. I developed to fourth stage, and with no one left to protect me, I had to learn how to do it myself.
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... you do not need me to say it - however you have done well to look after yourself, and still find time to look after others, Shess.
[lune can't even be sure how much it means - when he wasn't presence for those difficult points in shess' life. even so, it's something commendable]
Do you not grow weary? Of standing on your own, with none other to shield or guide you?
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I suppose I'm used to it.
... But I won't deny that I've always felt that something was missing. I think... even without my memories of her, I've been chasing after Airavata all this time. Ever since I began remembering here, I've been reflecting on it a lot.
[trying to fill the void she left behind, the part of him still reeling from her death that he was never given the chance to grieve over.
he smiles softly.]
You two would've gotten along well. She was a vibrant woman who liked humans, protected those she loved with all her heart, feared little, and was fond of teasing others.
no subject
[he thinks it makes sense - since shess himself is a rather comforting presence, even if others may find it hard to discern his attitude]
Do you think that you will be able to find a way to honor her memory, now that you recall it?
Is that what you would like to do?
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[he's not particularly surprised - what else can one do with the infinite expanse of time they've been given?
even so,]
Do you think that you will change the way that you were living from before this time?
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I suppose she'd be sad to know that I went back to my mother [not that he had much of a choice] but in the end, I'm still of the Kinnara clan. I can fight for the "whole" of something without caring for the individual pieces, and Airavata would understand that.
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Mm, I am sure that she would.
Regardless... if you are able to continue to find the pockets of happiness when they are made available to you, I would like to think that she would be happy with that.
At the very least, it is what I hope for. A kind future for yourself, and for your charge.
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All the more so for those of us with infinite lifespans—unlike humans, we have less of a notion of "making the most of our lives".
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[well. sort of. lune is pretty sure that he'll meet his end on a battlefield, and it won't be pretty or calm, but he won't say that out loud.]
But I think even moments like these - to be able to share with a friend - are enough for an old man like me.
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People do tend to take them for granted.
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... I hope that you are able to make your peace well enough, my friend.
Even if it may not be particularly comforting - I believe that you will continue to find those who will wish well for you.
At the very least, I will always be one of them.
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I've come to terms with things, and I've learned to deal with the cards I'm dealt.
[he smiles.]
... And that is more than enough for me.