[ listen binch, you saw him make this face while he was dying in axel's arms, it's not that weird now!! ]
.... That doesn't surprise me.
[ but he looks relieved, all the same. ] That was always my plan... mine and Axel's. Our original plans were to find a girl... the lab rat of Xehanort's Nobody, a girl we wanted to save. We thought following Xehanort's Nobody would lead us to her, so I climbed the ranks.... searching for any trace of her. But things changed. I changed.
[ he became... a huge bitch. also he got possessed, that probably contributed. ]
When I realized how far I'd fallen, I knew that my actions were unforgivable. Especially towards you... and Xion.
[ he lets that sit for a minute, the closest to a fullout apology he'll ever give, bc this idiot thinks he's dying. ] But I wanted to try.... to redeem myself. To make up for what I'd done. To strike back against Xehanort.... to help my old friend.
[...this is so much? This is so much and judging by Roxas's blank expression he's literally unaware of most of this, but a lot of things sure do make sense now!! What the fuck!!
He's not stupid enough to interrupt though. If Saix wants to share, that's cool, he'll take it. He listens, and it's not unlike something he explained to someone else a while ago. Darkness can roll in and consume someone, especially when their goals are their primary focus. In the end, sometimes it takes over completely.
He looks down at the charm.]
...you...became human too for a while, didn't you? Before this happened. [There's no way Saix normally would have enough hindsight to even think about things like remorse, so. What the hell.] He didn't expect me. Xehanort, I mean. I don't think anyone did.
You looked pretty surprised, too. [He lifts an eyebrow.] Here, and there. But I know how it ends. [There's a pause.] You almost seem lucid here.
[ "Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves" ]
[ saix himself had said that about sora, but the real irony was that it applied to him most of all. but it took him a long time to recognize it -- how warped he'd become from xehanort's heart, and his bitterness and jealousy. ]
I did. After Sora defeated me, I was recompleted. It was only for a short time... but it was long enough for me to realize how horribly I acted.
[ he laughs quietly, but for once it's not a bitter laugh. it's almost self-deprecating. he's very obviously relieved that his plan worked. ]
I hoped. But there were so many chances for my plan to fail..... I expect your return has more to do with your heart than anything I did.
[ roxas dashing the organization's plans, singlehandedly throwing them into a chaos? yep. ]
[ he's more lucid because he's nerfed, thanks!!!! ]
Xehanort isn't here. For once in my life..... I'm not always being watched by that particular darkness.
[ it's why his real personality -- isa -- has been slipping through. ]
Clarity does that to people. [He's afraid to actually mouth off for the moment because this is still very strange but very insightful. He'll be back on his bullshit in five minutes.] And even after you sided with him again, you were working against him.
[There's a low sort of sigh.] It was a combination of things that brought me back. A vessel provided by those who knew better. A heart grown on my own. And a connection that helped me find my way back. I guess I returned exactly when I was supposed to.
[But it's fine. He's still getting to know Isa versus Saix and while he can't necessarily forgive Saix for what he's done, Isa's easier to speak with.]
[ don't worry saix will be back on his bullshit twice as hard once he realizes he's not actually dying ]
I was always meant to work against him... I just lost of sight of that. Clarity.... Yes, that's what it was.
[ so, yeah, essentially, roxas hit the nail on the head. he has no doubt that roxas returned exactly when he meant to -- he and sora always did have a good sense of dramatic timing. ]
Would you be willing to tell me what happens in the future?
[ since he's clearly dying!!!!!! ]
[ he nods. without being under watch 24/7, he doesn't have to play the part quite as hard --- and his attempts to come off as unfeeling and uncaring haven't exactly landed. people are seeing through his bullshit. ]
It is. But until I'm free of his heart, he'll always be a shadow hanging over me. I'm surprised the darkness here hasn't taken me.
[ hence why it's a good thing he's definitely dying. ]
[There's a lot of things here that he's not sure how to unpack, and so he's going to sort of answer out of order.]
It's probably because the darkness here isn't as strong as the darkness at home. Not in that sense. [Oh?] We've always said you guys have light and darkness in you. Maybe it notices it wouldn't be as effective in you because of Xehanort.
[He's leaning on his knees, a hand propping up his head as he scrutinizes Saix for a moment.] The good news is eventually you get that kind of clarity at home, too. [And hence why he's actually being kind of okay with this conversation.] The bad news is you kind of tried to kill us because Xehanort wanted you to. We took care of it though.
I'm still a risk. [ sort of looping back to the 'it's better this way' ] It may be weaker, but the darkness here.. in a way, it's more dangerous. It's taking those with light in their heart, and disguising itself deeply in.
[ saix laughs again, that short, self-deprecating one. yeah, that much he knew. he expected to fight them -- maybe not roxas himself, and to be killed for it. he knows it's what he deserves, too, and it's ultimately for the best. and in a way? he was hoping for it. he knows he would have gone into the fight hoping to lose, that's about where he was at. so, yeah, he gets the implication, and if anything, he's relieved about that, too. even a little grateful? ]
I would expect nothing less, Roxas. [ than to be killed by you, buddy. ]
All of us..... that's more than I could have ever hoped for.
You noticed too then. [It's only one of the things troubling him and nothing he really brings up to the others. It's his problem to tackle, and his problem to fix. But he's watching Saix, aware that he's picked up on the implications at least. It helps.]
...things got a little hectic after that, but in the end our side won. Things went back to the way they were supposed to. Last I heard, some of the others are back in Radiant Garden. We're in Twilight Town with the others, too.
[He's bypassing everything, but:] ...you're still searching for a heart, aren't you?
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.... That doesn't surprise me.
[ but he looks relieved, all the same. ] That was always my plan... mine and Axel's. Our original plans were to find a girl... the lab rat of Xehanort's Nobody, a girl we wanted to save. We thought following Xehanort's Nobody would lead us to her, so I climbed the ranks.... searching for any trace of her. But things changed. I changed.
[ he became... a huge bitch. also he got possessed, that probably contributed. ]
When I realized how far I'd fallen, I knew that my actions were unforgivable. Especially towards you... and Xion.
[ he lets that sit for a minute, the closest to a fullout apology he'll ever give, bc this idiot thinks he's dying. ] But I wanted to try.... to redeem myself. To make up for what I'd done. To strike back against Xehanort.... to help my old friend.
[ so yeah, axel, but not just. ]
Then you know more than any of us.
no subject
He's not stupid enough to interrupt though. If Saix wants to share, that's cool, he'll take it. He listens, and it's not unlike something he explained to someone else a while ago. Darkness can roll in and consume someone, especially when their goals are their primary focus. In the end, sometimes it takes over completely.
He looks down at the charm.]
...you...became human too for a while, didn't you? Before this happened. [There's no way Saix normally would have enough hindsight to even think about things like remorse, so. What the hell.] He didn't expect me. Xehanort, I mean. I don't think anyone did.
You looked pretty surprised, too. [He lifts an eyebrow.] Here, and there. But I know how it ends. [There's a pause.] You almost seem lucid here.
[...no berserker?]
no subject
[ saix himself had said that about sora, but the real irony was that it applied to him most of all. but it took him a long time to recognize it -- how warped he'd become from xehanort's heart, and his bitterness and jealousy. ]
I did. After Sora defeated me, I was recompleted. It was only for a short time... but it was long enough for me to realize how horribly I acted.
[ he laughs quietly, but for once it's not a bitter laugh. it's almost self-deprecating. he's very obviously relieved that his plan worked. ]
I hoped. But there were so many chances for my plan to fail..... I expect your return has more to do with your heart than anything I did.
[ roxas dashing the organization's plans, singlehandedly throwing them into a chaos? yep. ]
[ he's more lucid because he's nerfed, thanks!!!! ]
Xehanort isn't here. For once in my life..... I'm not always being watched by that particular darkness.
[ it's why his real personality -- isa -- has been slipping through. ]
no subject
[There's a low sort of sigh.] It was a combination of things that brought me back. A vessel provided by those who knew better. A heart grown on my own. And a connection that helped me find my way back. I guess I returned exactly when I was supposed to.
[But it's fine. He's still getting to know Isa versus Saix and while he can't necessarily forgive Saix for what he's done, Isa's easier to speak with.]
Isn't that a good thing to be away from it?
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I was always meant to work against him... I just lost of sight of that. Clarity.... Yes, that's what it was.
[ so, yeah, essentially, roxas hit the nail on the head. he has no doubt that roxas returned exactly when he meant to -- he and sora always did have a good sense of dramatic timing. ]
Would you be willing to tell me what happens in the future?
[ since he's clearly dying!!!!!! ]
[ he nods. without being under watch 24/7, he doesn't have to play the part quite as hard --- and his attempts to come off as unfeeling and uncaring haven't exactly landed. people are seeing through his bullshit. ]
It is. But until I'm free of his heart, he'll always be a shadow hanging over me. I'm surprised the darkness here hasn't taken me.
[ hence why it's a good thing he's definitely dying. ]
no subject
It's probably because the darkness here isn't as strong as the darkness at home. Not in that sense. [Oh?] We've always said you guys have light and darkness in you. Maybe it notices it wouldn't be as effective in you because of Xehanort.
[He's leaning on his knees, a hand propping up his head as he scrutinizes Saix for a moment.] The good news is eventually you get that kind of clarity at home, too. [And hence why he's actually being kind of okay with this conversation.] The bad news is you kind of tried to kill us because Xehanort wanted you to. We took care of it though.
[Casually...skirting around the topic of killing Saix himself. Ahem.] ...in the end? We finally get to be whole again. You, me, Axel, Xion and Naminé. All of us.
no subject
[ saix laughs again, that short, self-deprecating one. yeah, that much he knew. he expected to fight them -- maybe not roxas himself, and to be killed for it. he knows it's what he deserves, too, and it's ultimately for the best. and in a way? he was hoping for it. he knows he would have gone into the fight hoping to lose, that's about where he was at. so, yeah, he gets the implication, and if anything, he's relieved about that, too. even a little grateful? ]
I would expect nothing less, Roxas. [ than to be killed by you, buddy. ]
All of us..... that's more than I could have ever hoped for.
no subject
...things got a little hectic after that, but in the end our side won. Things went back to the way they were supposed to. Last I heard, some of the others are back in Radiant Garden. We're in Twilight Town with the others, too.
[He's bypassing everything, but:] ...you're still searching for a heart, aren't you?