cyclists | TL;CR

Edited (everyone else centered theirs ok) 2019-08-03 18:47 (UTC)

me

Akane loved Val so much. The first thing he had going is that he looks like a villain, which Akane likes. Her closest(?) friend(?) back home is fuckin Alexis Kerib who she sees as trustworthy despite his aggressively evil aesthetic. Uh, probably because she's evil too, but oh well.

Val also had some of the most important traits for Akane: acceptance, obedience, and wanting to see her grow. He accepted her as she was, but tried to help her when he felt she needed it - like training her with swords and encouraging her to make changes if she brought up that she was unhappy with something. And he did things that she asked. He was super easy to manipulate to the point where it wasn't really manipulation so much as just asking for stuff.

And I think Akane has such skewed perceptions of her own relationships that even when they evolve away from "haha i am sneakily manipulating to get what i want" and into "you're my friend so i can ask you when i want something," genuinely can't. Recognize that shift or distinction. But it does exist, and it did happen. Fake relationships with Akane tend to become real if you just keep at it long enough - she just might not. Realize that herself.

It definitely speaks to how highly she regarded Valvatorez that she was able to swallow down how betrayed she felt that he wouldn't lie to protect her when she did a murder. A combination of being At Her Lowest and Liking Val A Lot made it so she was. Bitter. And she's still bitter. But she also still loves Val as a very dear friend and sincerely looks forward to his text messages, and I think in time will properly forgive him. (... For not actually doing anything wrong, sorry that she's like this.)

both of us, immediately after love potion: they're not talking about this

So

Akane and Julius had a pretty chill rapport. They would chat and kind of talk shit about the situation, and she liked that he was analytical and kind of cold but not entirely a bitch (to her, at least? idk.)

and then she

developed a crush on him. After she started dating Minato. And Akane just kind of compartmentalizes her relationships, especially when it's romance or otherwise to her benefit. She didn't even need to morally justify pursuing someone else while she was in a relationship for herself to do it SHE JUST. DID IT AND DIDN'T THINK TWICE.

Like, the reason she was asking him if he had a crush on anyone the first time was because she was probing because she was already interested. She also tried to get Val to use Hunk on him after that conversation - because Val had already used Hunk on her command before and tended to do anything she asked. So she lied and saying Julius had said that "he'd never had a crush before but wished he knew what it was like" instead of just the truth that he. Said he'd never had a crush before the end. BUT Val had already promised to use his power that week, so it didn't pan out. :(

SO SINCE THAT DIDN'T PAN OUT... AND THEN WE GOT MOD PERMISSION............. SLUT POTION.......

But she already liked him so really it just kind of? Gave her an excuse to be more flirty and physical with him? And that's why when we were talking about "lol we never decided when it wears off" I was saying her behavior wouldn't change regardless. THAT SAID IT'S ALSO FUCKING FUNNY THAT they never actually clarified anything or DID anything with those feelings, slut potion or real... They just got very emotionally close and then stopped there.

I think mostly, sincerely, it was just that things were too chaotic for Akane to make a solid move like kissing him or starting that conversation. If she hadn't been kind of in the middle of a mental break down, she probably would have ACTUALLY tried to make their relationship into something more tangible.

Thanks to the potion the crush was elevated to liking him with a lot more sincerity than Akane is used to, but they also weren't actually that, like, deeply intimate either?? So it's a little weird? But anyway she does still. Legitimately love Julius pretty much regardless of. When the slut potion wore off. Oops.

colaaa

So I told you this over discord and it's still basically the core of it: Shirasu was what Akane wanted and not at all what she needs as a person. Because Akane is a shitty person right now that really needs to change and grow - that's what her whole series is about! But what she needs for that is people who will A) stick by her and support her and B) encourage her to change for the better.

But Shirasu's vision of 'improvement' was, like, 'you should be more hands-on about stabbing and should murder people yourself when you want to. be proactive!' So she loves the acceptance and validation, but it also meant any time she talked with him she was kind of backsliding into her own worst habits and thought patterns etc... She loved that he was willing to help her kill Cinnabar - but that means when he died she felt trapped in their plans. Which wasn't totally his fault, she was just having a big old 'everyone hates me and the only people that didn't are dying all around me' break down, but. Still! He contributes to her worst traits.

Shirasu was probably the only person here that Akane considered an ally more than a friend. BUT THAT SAID, I think that they WERE friends. Akane is just godawful at understanding her own relationships and figuring out how to categorize them.

She was even willing to forgive that he stabbed her, bc... Hallucinations... And was worried about him... And she was mad that he lied to her about killing the bird........ But...... Forgave him kind of easily. Because that's how they are with each other, I think. They just enable each other's bad traits.

Shirasu is the one person she felt like she could actually just be 100% honest with ALL the time? At first it was just that they were both kind of cold about other people dying like weirdos together, but then it was like. Kind of nice to find someone here who wasn't judging her or pushing her. As bad as it was for her, it made her happy and feel safe when a lot of times she didn't feel safe, or felt guilty, or felt like she was walking on egg shells etc...

Her buddy....

gimmeeeee

Sorry that she ditched you......

Akane liked Lune... At first she kind of saw them as. Not equals, because she knew they were on uneven footing. But. She's used to being a goddess, and he was in charge, so? Something? So it was easier to be open with him and talk to him, plus he was accepting and stuff...

But then Akane got super wrapped up in everyone else not being so accepting and had a mental breakdown so she stopped visiting him.

He promised to watch tokusatsu shows and she was so excited about it, and then it never happened, and people she liked kept dying, and when she asked for favors they were like "Hey, girl that's deeply insecure about how everyone here blatantly doesn't like you - go get people to say they like you?" Or "Get people to say they love you and you can't prompt them to say it?"

Which to her just felt like someone rubbing salt in the wound because it's like the one thing she felt she had no control over because people obviously didn't like her, and no one was going to just say they did, unprompted. AND SURE, IT WASN'T REALLY LUNE THAT GAVE BOTH THOSE MISSIONS, BUT STILL.

She had liked him, but grew to feel that he was just as insincere as everyone else. And despite being the most insincere bitch on the planet, that made her think he didn't really value her or care about her, so she. Just stopped visiting him and got wrapped up in her own drama.

Sorry Lune, you deserved better. :(

hi

Namine made little to no first impression on Akane, but then later she was talking to Julius about story tropes and decided that the pretty girl in a white dress is the typical first to die 'sacrificial' character, and so for a while that was. Basically her only thoughts about Namine...

And then shortly after Akane decided that she valued Minato as a person, he told her about?? One of his bets with Namine or something that was bad for him, I don't remember exactly what, and Akane was still in the early yandere phases of her relationship with Minato, so she was just :knife: and decided to try and get closer to Namine to be able to manipulate/threaten/keep an eye on her?

But then she kind of figured out that Minato has no self preservation skills and with dawning horror at *gestures at Minato* she gave up on being yan and super protective over him... But she was still accustomed to being Namine's "friend" while treating her really poorly, because it was easy. Namine made it so easy to get information out of her, or to like. Make her say things she was clearly uncomfortable with saying? And so that was really satisfying and fun for Akane, because she likes to feel in control of other people and her relationships.

I think that she didn't really know that Namine realized how bitchy Akane was being to her until the trial after she killed Cinnabar. Because until then it was like "Why would Namine stick around and be my friend if she understood that I was bullying her. She must not realize."

Which means that at her kind of lowest moment, after two boyfriends had died and she felt like almost everyone hated her, and she had just killed someone out of pure frustration

She also realized for the first time that Namine wanted to be her friend and knew that she was a shitty person. Which made her affection for Namine skyrocket, but also she doesn't QUITE know how else to interact with Namine? So she's. Trying to be a little bit nicer. And does have a small crush on her, but I don't know that she recognizes it yet because the switch from 'girl i bully' to 'someone i genuinely like and value' was so sudden and jarring on its own.

But also Akane is a disaster and doesn't entirely know how to be sincere+nice at the same time. She's kind of used to being one or the other.

akane: let's date
minato: okay

Sorry this is so long I'M SORRY. Anyway things with Minato were. A thing that was always meant to be fake and taken lightly, but rapidly became much realer than Akane intended.

Akane likes to feel in control and she likes people she can manipulate. So with Minato she was like "Hey, this guy just does whatever I tell him, this is great!" Like with the cat ears at first, that was just her way of testing his boundaries and finding out that he had basically none? But then she got frustrated, because it turned out he had no boundaries with anyone, which made her frustrated...

And she would flirt with him because that's how she knows how to interact with boys. But he?? Went along with it and never got flustered, and flirted back? So literally that's why they're dating is because it was like "Sure, may as well?"

She was yan at first, but then realized she couldn't keep that up because it would be too exhausting... Which means she was kind of forced to be less possessive by his lack of self preservation... lmfdsklf

... BUT THE REASON IT BECAME. REAL... TO AKANE... Was largely that Minato was a failure. Like Akane. She's got NEET tendencies, she's a huge nerd, she is deeply insecure and struggles with socializing and social situations, she's afraid of the world, and all of that is WHY she became a goddess of her own world in the first place. It was to run away from the real world. So all the times where he talked about sleeping all day and not taking care of himself, she was just like "Yeah same, relatable."

And so she was constantly trying to strike this balance between validating herself but also wanting him to make changes if he needed because she did care about him--but not wanting to admit that she needed to change, too. A lot of things she said to him were kind of her talking to herself. A LOT OF TIMES I WENT INTO THREADS LIKE "alright time to make drama or something" but Minato would just end up. Saying exactly the shit Akane needed to hear AND in exactly the way she wanted to hear it to not take it badly? Like he really was out there being a validation dispenser for all the insecure girls and Akane was just the one that capitalized first LOL.

And it made her nervous to value someone that much in a relationship that she had initially only entered because it sounded like a fun way to pass the time? So that's why she started getting weird about the real her versus the her he knows bc. Uh [ SSSS Gridman spoilers..... ] etc.... But..... He just kept saying the right thing, so she

Genuinely loves him very much, even if she has a hard time saying it out loud, it's still true. They're going to grow and change together, and she feels safe that they'll love each other through that process... And the fact that it's both of them that need to change is very helpful for feeling less singled out or broken or afraid.

So... Minato/Akane was, despite expectations, very real from her side! Even if they both have multiple other love interests besides each other. She's fine with it. Don't worry about it.

raises hand

Kara! Akane liked him at first.

Him being generally grumpy didn't bother her at all, because he still put up with her. She knew better than to be too pushy or annoying and risk him not giving in, so it was a case of. Knowing his boundaries and not overstepping them? I guess?

The first like meaningful time they really interacted was when he helped her learn to cook, so she had a pretty good impression of him. It was like positive by association because she was doing something fun with her boyfriend, and he was helping her to achieve that! And they also had some nice mini-convos about how it can be hard to socialize, because Akane's sociable and outgoing personality is 100% fabricated and the real Akane is an extremely insecure girl.

So she liked him...!

But

Then she started to feel like basically everyone hated her? Like, her boyfriend died and no one was treating her delicately or being nice to her, and they all openly didn't trust her or seem to care about her? (Which was, you know, in reality because she was kind of a selfish dickhead and pretty openly wasn't a great person, but. THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.) Either way, even though she wasn't particularly justified, this meant that her opinion of him went from 'positive!' to lumping him in with everyone she wasn't super close with.

He wouldn't let her skip strip search when Minato died so he was dead to her, basically. Sorry.

WHAT HAPPENED

GOD, WHAT HAPPENED.

So week 0 Akane was just in "TIME TO PRETEND I'M A NORMAL AND VERY NICE FRIENDLY GIRL" mode, and then by week 1. That started to slip? She did genuinely, sincerely, want to be friends with Cinnabar! She just thought, like, isn't it better to just be accepted as you are? and accept yourself as you are??? And also she's an ominous dickhead, so??

Akane is a very very deeply insecure person, and most of those insecurities are absolute terror of being disliked. It's like - one thing for people to be neutral on her, or even for people she doesn't care about, maybe, to dislike her? But she ACTUALLY wanted to be friends with Cinnabar, and being rejected so harshly when she repeatedly made SINCERE efforts to be nice and get past the bad first impression she made basically dug into her deepest personal flaws and fears.

She tried to move past the mistake that she acknowledged, but it never worked. Maybe in part because it literally never occurred to her to like properly apologize, or even to just say an honest, "Hey, I know I said something that made you upset, that wasn't my intention and I want to get along." Instead she just kept trying to power through it and? Interact more and just be nice? And then sulk and get passive aggressive???

Also when Cinnabar got Hunked it was because Akane told Val to use it on them, initially hoping he could control who his target fell in love with. That would have been one way to solve the problem, but it didn't work how she'd hoped. :(

Akane... ALSO has a huge thing about being touched. She REALLY hates being touched by other people if she doesn't like them already, or if they aren't super close with her. She can touch THEM, but if they touch HER, she basically goes into an internal rage... And around when Minato died she was becoming increasingly aware that more and more people didn't like her, didn't care about her, and didn't trust her.

Which, like, was totally fair of them (because again, she's an asshole and a liar). But she had also genuinely been totally cooperative and done her best to help in all previous trials, regardless of any tough talk that implied otherwise...

So she was already feeling down bc of her core insecurities, then her actual boyfriend who she loves died, and no one was treating her delicately. And then. Cinnabar grabbed her, which is the #1 thing Akane can't stand in the entire world!

So she killed them because she was basically in the middle of a "everyone in the world hates me and my boyfriend just died" breakdown, and Cinnabar was the epitome of her insecurity + had just done something she super hated while she was extremely vulnerable.

Akane does still want to be friends with Cinnabar, because she's so deeply insecure and just wants to be liked, but she also knows that it's 100% impossible because she. Literally killed them. And thinks that even if she hadn't, they wouldn't ever change their opinion on her. Even if it's fair, it still makes her sad.

i guess it's time to watch ssssssssssssss gridman

CRIES

Akane's first impression of Kazuaki was basically that he was cute and weak, and I think him being a cute lil bird made her perceive him as even weaker than he was... Her core thoughts and feelings about him were straight up just: WOW he seems SUPER EASY TO MANIPULATE!

Like, week 0 she did her best to come off as friendly and normal and outgoing with everyone, but that pretense kind of fell apart fast? But with Kazuaki she was able to keep it up, because it just came naturally and he seemed to take it at face value. And he was so VULNERABLE, having been. Freshly murdered omfg.......

She was still considering stealing the rest of his pills as something 'on the table if she needed to' pretty much up until he died... And then she was kind of experiencing Babby's First Real Emotions and Empathy for Minato, who seemed close with Kazuaki... Which made her actually start to. Care about him for real by PROXY???? BUT HE WAS ALREADY DEAD. But it means she appreciated his message and was more endeared by it than she would have been otherwise.

IF HER TARGET HADN'T BEEN CINNABAR, WHO DOESN'T EAT, she absolutely would have poisoned someone...

And then the next time they met was post her insecurity meltdown, so now she's. A little more capable of actually being sincere with Kazuaki. Which is good and bad because on one hand. Sincere isn't always great, with Akane. But on the other hand, at least if they actually bond again from here on out, it actually means something????

They can be texting buddies. LOL.....

TELL ME (v belatedly) ABOUT THEIR 20 SECONDS OF CR.

I WISH WE'D THREADED MORE, IT IS A DEEP REGRET...... Fellow NEET......

Akane really didn't get to know Futaba well at all, but they did talk games a little bit which made her easier to talk to? I feel like Akane would have had a kind of easy time nerding out with Futaba if she'd gotten the chance, but their interactions were so early on that Akane was still very much in the Pretend To Be A Totally Normal And Well Adjusted Happy Girl phase of her time here and hadn't quite reached phase Actually Fuck It This Place Sucks and I'm Gonna Be a Bitch Sometimes About It...

So she just didn't get the chance to really open up to Futaba properly until it was too late. :(

I like to imagine that if Futaba reaches out first maybe they'll be texting buddies and talk nerd shit and memes at each other, and SOMEDAY IN THE FUTURE, BOND AND BECOME FRIENDS... But also that would require Futaba understanding/acknowledging/accepting Akane being................ Akane........... And, like, having been a killer who wasn't corrupted etc etc... So.... Who knows...

TL;CR

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Re: akane

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