So Shess clicked with Mikazuki immediately, because... yeah, same energy. Which doesn't happen often for Shess, because he's always been in a weird position—too experienced compared to other suras of his ranking, still inferior by nature to other suras he matches for age, too sura-like to fit in among humans, too compassionate for a sura. So it's a breath of fresh air to talk to someone like Mikazuki, whom he can meet as an equal and who shares a lot of similar worldviews with him. Or, even, just someone was even-tempered enough to bounce philosophical discussions off of, given that no one where he's from is known for being open-minded...
It was especially significant here, where Mikazuki was one of the few adults... he and Axel were pretty much the only two people Shess was mostly relaxed around, and Mikazuki's position as an omniscient-ish neutral party made it even easier to discuss whatever. Shess has always had to be on guard in some way, whether because he's withholding info, or because he's so much older, or because of a culture clash, or because he's trying to guide the person to a certain path—but Mikazuki was one of the only people to whom he could be anything without it being a misstep, and he appreciated that safe space, so to speak.
And sure, Mikazuki made him a tired a lot, but that's all part of being friends, and it was always over trivial stuff. Actually, it would've been weirder if Mikazuki was so "perfect" that he never exasperated Shess, and their banter was enjoyable. That aside, he could appreciate Mikazuki being a shit (when it wasn't at him), found his cluelessness in certain matters funny (again, when he wasn't on the receiving end of it), and overall liked how kind Mikazuki could be, at the same time that he was just detached enough to not be unrelatably nice.
It was after partner memshare that Shess realized their friendship was becoming real. Namely, because Mikazuki did his whole bit about how Shess's thoughts and feelings matter and that he was there for him. (And then he made sharing that memory his task, and Shess really realized that oh, Mikazuki was kind of invested.) And it was... odd, since [gestures to Miki's tl;cr] he's not really used to people thinking about his feelings, between being "above" humans" and the sura's power hierarchy/tendency towards abuse of authority. In fact, his mom's straight up said that what he wants doesn't matter, so while Shess doesn't necessarily feel that way about himself, he knows the world doesn't care, making it very sweet to hear someone explicitly say otherwise.
At the end of the day, Shess's worth has always been determined by what he physically brings to the table. To an extent, he expected sentimentality from the humans here because they had no preconceptions of sura and soft-heartedness is in their nature, but from someone more neutral and ruthless like Mikazuki? To be honest, Shess feels kind of guilty, since he got more out of their friendship than Mikazuki did, but it was nice to have someone who valued him as a person rather than as a tool. (He wasn't going to press Mikazuki on his problems, in part because he doubted it would work and also because he didn't want people to do it for him, so he wasn't going to be a hypocrite.)
Actually, if Mikazuki didn't send him flowers and tea whenever he was ghosting him, he'd probably have been concerned that their friendship meant way more to him than Mikazuki and it was just Mikazuki liking everyone/obligation as the host, but the. constant gifts sort of said something.
Anyway, in particular, as uncomfortable as it was for him to talk about it, he was grateful that Mikazuki helped him navigate his feelings about his recovered memories. While Shess had his mini breakdown of sorts in private off-screen... since he never had the opportunity to properly grieve back then between his mother being what she was and then the memory retcon, he was pretty much in renewed mourning for a while here, and he was glad to have someone with him while he reflected over it now.
Though Mikazuki really only got all of that, because yeah, he said that about how having been unable to help others before. At heart, partly because his first was ripped away from him before he was ready, Shess has always wanted to be able to rely on some form of support. In the end, Mikazuki made himself that, because of playing that card + similar levels of maturity even if Shess is technically far older + understanding Shess better than anyone else here. Like I said, he was probably the only person who understood Shess fully (his advice to Cinnabar was spot-on, weeps), especially when everyone else had misconceptions on what motivated Shess.
Still, Shess had to fight it, because as he told Mikazuki—he didn't want to become spoiled by that kindness. He didn't think he'd see Mikazuki again once everything was done here, and sooner or later, he'll be going back to his clan and all that entails. For all that Shess gave Kara shit over his inability to connect with others, he's pretty pain-aversive himself, so why get too comfortable with a relationship that was always meant to be fleeting?
In the end, Mikazuki's corruption was the hardest part of endgame for him, even though he wasn't surprised by it. Admittedly, a very small and irrational part of him was bitter that Mikazuki said everything he did and yet still left him behind, since it hit a little too close to home (what with Airavata telling him he didn't need her anymore when she died and his life promptly going to hell afterwards). Mostly, though, he's sad for Mikazuki (and Kara), who was the bigger victim in things, and doesn't hold the stabbing against him even remotely.
And now, after everything Mikazuki's done for him, he's walking away with yet another debt he can't repay.
It's fine.
(He also figures that Mikazuki's kind of uncomfortable with talking to him, given the way he's acting on the endgame log, so he's not going to push him and again ig they're never talking after this.)
no subject
rolls up sleeves
So Shess clicked with Mikazuki immediately, because... yeah, same energy. Which doesn't happen often for Shess, because he's always been in a weird position—too experienced compared to other suras of his ranking, still inferior by nature to other suras he matches for age, too sura-like to fit in among humans, too compassionate for a sura. So it's a breath of fresh air to talk to someone like Mikazuki, whom he can meet as an equal and who shares a lot of similar worldviews with him. Or, even, just someone was even-tempered enough to bounce philosophical discussions off of, given that no one where he's from is known for being open-minded...
It was especially significant here, where Mikazuki was one of the few adults... he and Axel were pretty much the only two people Shess was mostly relaxed around, and Mikazuki's position as an omniscient-ish neutral party made it even easier to discuss whatever. Shess has always had to be on guard in some way, whether because he's withholding info, or because he's so much older, or because of a culture clash, or because he's trying to guide the person to a certain path—but Mikazuki was one of the only people to whom he could be anything without it being a misstep, and he appreciated that safe space, so to speak.
And sure, Mikazuki made him a tired a lot, but that's all part of being friends, and it was always over trivial stuff. Actually, it would've been weirder if Mikazuki was so "perfect" that he never exasperated Shess, and their banter was enjoyable. That aside, he could appreciate Mikazuki being a shit (when it wasn't at him), found his cluelessness in certain matters funny (again, when he wasn't on the receiving end of it), and overall liked how kind Mikazuki could be, at the same time that he was just detached enough to not be unrelatably nice.
It was after partner memshare that Shess realized their friendship was becoming real. Namely, because Mikazuki did his whole bit about how Shess's thoughts and feelings matter and that he was there for him. (And then he made sharing that memory his task, and Shess really realized that oh, Mikazuki was kind of invested.) And it was... odd, since [gestures to Miki's tl;cr] he's not really used to people thinking about his feelings, between being "above" humans" and the sura's power hierarchy/tendency towards abuse of authority. In fact, his mom's straight up said that what he wants doesn't matter, so while Shess doesn't necessarily feel that way about himself, he knows the world doesn't care, making it very sweet to hear someone explicitly say otherwise.
At the end of the day, Shess's worth has always been determined by what he physically brings to the table. To an extent, he expected sentimentality from the humans here because they had no preconceptions of sura and soft-heartedness is in their nature, but from someone more neutral and ruthless like Mikazuki? To be honest, Shess feels kind of guilty, since he got more out of their friendship than Mikazuki did, but it was nice to have someone who valued him as a person rather than as a tool. (He wasn't going to press Mikazuki on his problems, in part because he doubted it would work and also because he didn't want people to do it for him, so he wasn't going to be a hypocrite.)
Actually, if Mikazuki didn't send him flowers and tea whenever he was ghosting him, he'd probably have been concerned that their friendship meant way more to him than Mikazuki and it was just Mikazuki liking everyone/obligation as the host, but the. constant gifts sort of said something.
Anyway, in particular, as uncomfortable as it was for him to talk about it, he was grateful that Mikazuki helped him navigate his feelings about his recovered memories. While Shess had his mini breakdown of sorts in private off-screen... since he never had the opportunity to properly grieve back then between his mother being what she was and then the memory retcon, he was pretty much in renewed mourning for a while here, and he was glad to have someone with him while he reflected over it now.
Though Mikazuki really only got all of that, because yeah, he said that about how having been unable to help others before. At heart, partly because his first was ripped away from him before he was ready, Shess has always wanted to be able to rely on some form of support. In the end, Mikazuki made himself that, because of playing that card + similar levels of maturity even if Shess is technically far older + understanding Shess better than anyone else here. Like I said, he was probably the only person who understood Shess fully (his advice to Cinnabar was spot-on, weeps), especially when everyone else had misconceptions on what motivated Shess.
Still, Shess had to fight it, because as he told Mikazuki—he didn't want to become spoiled by that kindness. He didn't think he'd see Mikazuki again once everything was done here, and sooner or later, he'll be going back to his clan and all that entails. For all that Shess gave Kara shit over his inability to connect with others, he's pretty pain-aversive himself, so why get too comfortable with a relationship that was always meant to be fleeting?
In the end, Mikazuki's corruption was the hardest part of endgame for him, even though he wasn't surprised by it. Admittedly, a very small and irrational part of him was bitter that Mikazuki said everything he did and yet still left him behind, since it hit a little too close to home (what with Airavata telling him he didn't need her anymore when she died and his life promptly going to hell afterwards). Mostly, though, he's sad for Mikazuki (and Kara), who was the bigger victim in things, and doesn't hold the stabbing against him even remotely.
And now, after everything Mikazuki's done for him, he's walking away with yet another debt he can't repay.
It's fine.
(He also figures that Mikazuki's kind of uncomfortable with talking to him, given the way he's acting on the endgame log, so he's not going to push him and again ig they're never talking after this.)